December 30, 2014

Focus

Some of you may have been following the strange and confusing antics happening on Facebook this week. Yesterday "Mel Bittner" re-opened the Facebook Cause page called 'Missing Wolferts girls - finding the answers.'. A brief description of this woman's role, for those who feel they are in the dark in this:

As soon as my family's situation became public back in August, "Mel" pretended to be one of my biggest supporters.  She gained my trust to help with my Facebook page, and informed me to stay away from the page to 'legally protect' myself. I believed and trusted her. In early November, she suddenly hijacked it from me and my uncle, removed all other admins, and shut it down just before openly supporting my father. Her lies, threats, misrepresentations, and disrespectful behavior are repellent to reasonable people, which is her aim. I am deeply saddened by the confusion being created by those like "Mel" who want to distract me and others who want to support the girls.

Please remember that all strange and confusing behaviors on social media are designed for three purposes:

  • To create doubt about my integrity
  • To deflect focus away from admitted pedophile Brian Wolferts (my father) by allowing him to hide behind other's excuses for him
  • To cause me to lose focus on my desire to protect my younger sisters

I am not losing focus. I am still determined to get my sisters the help they need to be officially protected. I can still close my eyes and remember the look on their faces as they begged me to leave when I reached legal adulthood, so I could help them escape my father's abuse. I was the first one out of the three of us to have a voice legally for the first time in our lives. I am going to continue to speak the truth.

John 8:32 "And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free."



I Do Not Make Up Anything

Here is a screenshot of the photoshopped email that "Mel Bittner" posted in the early hours of the morning on December 30 to try to paint me as a liar.

From "Mel":




Here is the actual email between the three of us.

From my Gmail history:

From Lisa's Gmail history:

December 28, 2014

My Sisters

For a while, I've wanted to dedicate a post to Sydney and Dani, my little sisters who aren't so little anymore. I think that there couldn't be a better time than the Holidays to do this. I'm going to write about who these girls are: their hobbies, their dreams, their goals, their fears. I'm going to write about them in a way that will portray them as the remarkable young women they are, instead of mere faces plastered to a flyer.

Syd is the second oldest to myself. She has a remarkable ability to round up people around her. She has a sense of genius sarcasm, and uses it in such a way that never offends her peers, but brings them together in many hours of fun and laughter. Syd also has a gentle, caring side to her which she uses to bring the spirit of peace into the lives of those she associates with. She has a marvelous poetic gift, and expresses herself through writing when she can. She has a high sense of fashion. She is absolutely gorgeous naturally, and I believe it is because you can see straight through to her stunning inner beauty as well as outer. Sydney has an exceptionally strong testimony. She may outwardly seem shy to some, but she is fierce in defending what is right. She has an innate sense of wisdom for her age--she has always seen a deeper side to life. She has always been great at making close friends that last, and she chooses those select people carefully.


Dani is the younger sister of the two. I can't believe how fast she is growing up. Dani's developed into a fine young lady, with amazing homemaking skills. She's better than me in the kitchen... and I've just learned to accept that! Even at her young age, I can see wonderful hints of what an outstanding mother she will be. She is also the family 'techy.' If Syd or I don't know how to work a new item, we'll call for Dani. Dani possesses this amazing ability to love all mankind. She's not naive: she exercises her love with caution. But she could fill all of the Pacific Ocean with her tender care. She loves people, as I do, and I could see her becoming a great many things in adulthood. Dani possesses a kind soul unlike any other, and she is constantly looking for ways to serve others, even within the walls of her own home. She has a gift for making many friends wherever she goes.


All of my sisters have a great sense of humor (that I just didn't seem to inherit) and outstanding artistic abilities. I'm so pleased that we all share the love of art together: it's a similar interest that binds us. They/we also love music and have all been blessed to have had a mother who was able to teach us piano when we were young. I can't wait to see what each of my sisters become in their lives. I love them so much. Syd and Dani are so different, yet so alike. They are smart girls. They are able to assess and understand situations way beyond what most kids their age could. They have experienced so much pain at such young ages, and yet they have risen above it and become stronger through it. I know they have yearned to be heard for so long.


You won't hear any of this from my dad's followers, because they don't know these amazing girls. They don't know that Sydney has a phobia of cold feet, and they don't know that Dani used to hate any food that was green. They don't know that Sydney wants to be an engineer, and Dani secretly wants to be an actress.


Dad's supporters don't know the hours I've spent trying to calm Sydney as she sobbed from the pain my dad caused her from feeding her gluten and emotionally shredding her through endless abusive lectures, all the while trying to hold back my own tears as I tell her that, "One day this will be over," even though I didn't see a way it would end. They don't know the years I watched Dani fight to hold in all the pain to appear strong, yet collapsing on the inside until she began falling into depression (which she had to keep from our dad who demanded we appear happy at all times).


Dad's supporters don't know how many tears my sisters have shed alone, because

December 23, 2014

Response to Anonymous Comment

I saw this comment in moderation a couple days ago. So many thoughts flooded my mind as I read, and I knew I needed to respond to it. Anonymous stated:
  

Dear Anonymous,

You misjudge the extent to which I have forgiven him.

Forgiving and trusting are very different things. If someone were to repeatedly ask you to borrow a very valuable, sentimental object of yours, and you let them, and they broke it every time, at what point would you set a boundary and not let them borrow it anymore? This has been a little what trying to have a relationship with my father has been like.

How can I fully trust him when he will not even accept accountability for his actions to me and other children? I lived in his home for three years, and all he ever did was accuse others for his actions. He never took full accountability for anything, especially not for his abuse of my mom, Angie, or any of these other sexually inappropriate actions with children.

I can forgive my dad to the fullest extent that I can, but I don't have to trust him. I can still be careful around him to protect myself. Forgiving someone does not mean accepting abusive actions toward myself or others going forward. Forgiving someone does not mean being naive to the possibility of him behaving the same way I've seen him behave for the past 19 years.

Are you saying that you also talk to your children often about sex and pornography, and place your youngest kid in the position of the child being sexually assaulted by the adult, which you refer to as yourself?? I sincerely hope not.

OF COURSE there are 'talks' every parent dreads having with their children, that need to happen at a child's appropriate age. What my dad did was not normal parent talks. And he often did them without another adult present. I think you need to re-read the instances of what I have referred to as, 'inappropriate sexual conduct.' (Not physical sexual abuse, as I believe you meant. Though I DO consider all hundreds of these instances of inappropriate sexual conduct my dad engaged in with us to be sexual abuse when considered all together, because of the extreme trauma and sexual discomfort it caused us.)

Then again, if you're convinced I'm coached, there is absolutely no point in even responding to you.

I hope that you're watching everything occurring with both eyes open. Please realize that although the courts claimed my mother to have coached us, most of the officials--officials who were trying to assess our situation so the court could have enough information to rule properly--never met with me. And realize that if you are calling me 'coached,' and you are wrong (which you are, but I will give you the benefit of the doubt), what you are actually doing is placing shame upon me for anything I say, as well as making an excuse for my abuser. I can't even describe to you the pain people are causing me by calling me 'coached.'

I have a voice. I am a human, not a pawn. I have memories. So many memories of trauma I lived through at the hands of my father. And I am choosing to share those memories. Because I would hate the consequences of holding anything back. Silence only enables abuse. I understand and empathize with those who don't want to find out my father has done such horrible things to children, but he has.

By the way, who has had primary custody of my sisters for the past four years? My dad. My sisters were isolated, monitored, and controlled so severely that they couldn't possibly have been brainwashed against him in the limited time they got with Mom. How could she have maintained her so-called "brainwashing" during her 15-minutes-or-less phone calls with my dad standing next to them the whole time? The idea is nonsensical. Those who call us coached are doing so out of such ignorance.

I appreciate this opportunity to thoroughly explain my position on forgiveness in this particularly complicated instance. I appreciate your thoughts and considerations. I realize that nobody who hasn't lived behind closed doors with Brian Wolferts can possibly understand the pain my sisters and I have endured. Nor can you fully understand the pain of re-living all these experiences. I forgive you for being blind to that, and I thank you for giving me the chance to hear your concerns and respond with my truth. Feel free to comment on my blog with any other legitimate concerns and/or questions.

December 22, 2014

Comment About Bear

This comment was left in response to my post about my dad throwing away my toddler sister's beloved Bear for a minor infraction when she was just two. I felt her comment was worth highlighting, with huge insight that both helps me personally and makes me want to wrap my sister up in my arms and protect her forever.


December 20, 2014

Custody Evaluator's Report Part II

A continuation of the first custody evaluator post.

According to the report, the custody evaluator, Dr. Blakelock, spoke on the phone with Dr. Dettenmeier, who had evaluated my mom almost three years before in April 2007. She told him that Mom had "coached the children in her efforts to alienate them from their father." She further stated that "Michelle lacked positivity and was 'vehement' towards Brian." Blakelock wrote, "Michelle's parental interference escalated beyond her immediate family as she negatively influenced extended family, friends, counselors, neighbors, spiritual leaders, etc. by sharing with these individuals Brian's therapy progress notes, Dr. Roby's complete psychosexual assessment report . . . ."

Despite Dr. Dettenmeier's conclusion that my mom had coached us, my Mom still was granted primary custody of us at that time. She was our primary custodial parent from 2004 until 2011. It was this report by Blakelock that resulted in my dad getting custody


Basically, Dr. Blakelock found my dad to be less abusive than my mom, despite her "coaching" stemming from her legitimate NEED to warn us to be careful around our dad who admits to multiple instances of sexual behavior toward children. Yet I had NO knowledge of any of these details until I found this report this week. All my mom ever wanted was for my dad to get the help he desperately needs for his severe problems, and to keep us protected from his impulses that have put children at risk.

So, my dad entered into sex offender treatment voluntarily, and did it for 18 months. Yet these three men "questioned the appropriateness of his treatment":

1. Dr. Ririe (psychosexual therapist who was hand-picked by special master Sandra Dredge to be Dad's therapist after she lied and said that Dr. Roby no longer wished to be my dad's therapist, which he refuted in an affidavit, btw);

2. Dr. Jay Jensen (who owns and runs ACAFS, the company who gets assigned by the special master to be the go-between between parties in acrimonious divorces, and who also conducted conjoint therapy for the Wolferts family);
3. Dr. Blakelock (custody evaluator).

Blakelock found my dad's 2005 abuse finding by DCFS to be inconsequential. My dad's multiple admissions of sexual behavior toward young children didn't seem to matter at all to Dr. Blakelock. 

My sisters and I have been betrayed by the officials who were supposed to protect us. 

A personal note to all those mothers out there who are fiercely defending my dad and seeking that my mom be prosecuted to "the full extent of the law" for protecting my sisters in hiding: if your children had been spending every other weekend with a father who had engaged in multiple instances of sexual behavior toward children in the past, and admitted to it well into his adulthood with children of his own at home, of course you would seek to get supervised visitation for him in order to protect your young daughters! Of course you would seek to warn them to be careful about not being alone with him, especially if the courts let your request for supervised visits drag on for over two years. Of course you would seek to protect them after the courts failed to listen to their accounts of abuse at his hands over the last FOUR YEARS of living with him primarily. 

I do not believe that any mother who loved her children would not be protective of them under the said circumstances. My mom was being preventative and warned us to be careful of anyone tried to invade our safety zone and touch us. Despite all these things she knew my dad had done--again, things that I never knew until very recently--and despite the way my dad treated us, she always encouraged us to see the good in him. That is a fact. I am a witness to it, and I know Syd and Dani will testify of the same fact when they are back, because we all lived through it.

December 19, 2014

Custody Evaluator's Report

This is the document from my parents' divorce, that my dad apparently doesn't want you to see, even though it's the document that gave my dad custody of us. It's the document that shows WHY my mom was found to have "coached" us. I had not seen this document, nor had I heard of this document or the revelations about my dad, until this past week when I discovered it. Reading it makes me feel like I'm going to be sick.
 

The above screen shot from the report states: "Brian's infidelity and questions regarding any risk he might pose to his three daughters were major concerns of Michelle. These concerns led to a brief attempt at marriage counseling through LDS Social Services, individual and conjoint therapy with psychologist Dr. Sheffield from March 2004 through July 17, 2004, and extended individual and conjoint therapy with Dr. Hyde. Dr. Hyde, who was providing couples counseling referred Brian to Dr. C.Y. Roby for a phsychosexual assessment and eventually referral [sic] to Dr. Roby for treatment of his inappropriate sexual behavior. Brian entered into sex offender treatment with Dr. Roby and a therapist by the name of Cox. Dr. Ririe, Dr. Jensen, and this evaluator questioned the appropriateness of this treatment, which was designed to treat sex offenders though Brian voluntarily participated in this treatment for approximately 18 months." (emphasis added)

Dr. Blakelock also stated the following:




"In taking his second polygraph, Brian admits to a history of sexual contact with a child during his adolescence for which he was neither investigated nor charged with a crime." 

"Brian also admits that at the age of 23 he exposed himself to two young girls as he exited a shower, and that 'years later' he masturbated to thoughts of the older girl (11 or 12 at the time of the incident) by placing her in the position of the younger girl (6 or 7 at the time of the incident)."

Despite all this, Dr. Blakelock favored my dad even though the ethical guidelines he quoted clearly indicate that he shouldn't have! Instead, Dr. Blakelock excused my father's behavior and justified his decision to send three innocent young girls to live in my father's house full-time, with unsupervised visits.

Blakelock stated his "opinion is that Brian poses little or no threat to sexually assault his daughters" because of:

a) the significant length of the time since Brian's sexual contact with a child;
b) Brian's demonstrated control over any deviant arousal he may have experienced;
c) the fact that other responsible adults have been informed of his sexual history; and
d) that his daughters are of such an age where they are fully capable of reporting any inappropriate sexual behaviors on the part of Brian should they occur.



December 18, 2014

AP Impact: Abused Kids Die As Officials Fail To Protect

The AP published this article today after having conducted an eight-month study of all 50 states to determine that officials often fail to protect abused children. I beg all of you, especially those who keep suggesting that my sisters merely have to talk to DCFS to find safety, to read it and educate yourselves.

Here are a few of the statements made in the article that stand out:


BUTTE, Montana (AP) — At least 786 children died of abuse or neglect in the U.S. in a six-year span in plain view of child protection authorities — many of them beaten, starved or left alone to drown while agencies had good reason to know they were in danger, The Associated Press has found.
Many factors can contribute to the abuse dilemma nationwide: The child protective services system is plagued with worker shortages and a serious overload of cases. Budgets are tight, and nearly 40 percent of the 3 million child abuse and neglect complaints made annually to child protective services hotlines are "screened out" and never investigated.

Also, insufficient training for those who answer child abuse hotlines leads to reports being misclassified, sometimes with deadly consequences; a lack of a comprehensive national child welfare database allows some abusers to avoid detection by moving to different states; and a policy that promotes keeping families intact can play a major role in the number of deaths. [emphasis added]
Because no single, complete set of data exists for the deaths of children who already were being overseen by child welfare caseworkers, the information compiled over the course of AP's eight-month investigation represents the most comprehensive statistics publicly available. The data collection system on child deaths is so flawed that no one can even say with accuracy how many children overall die from abuse or neglect every year. The federal government estimates an average of about 1,650 deaths annually in recent years; many believe the actual number is twice as high.

"We all agree that we cannot solve a problem this complex until we agree it exists," said David Sanders, chairman of the federal Commission to Eliminate Child Abuse and Neglect Fatalities, whose members are traveling the country studying child deaths under a congressional mandate.

December 17, 2014

Direct Message To My Dad

I have provided much documentation to supporters (both mine and yours) to back up my statements and give as accurate a picture as I possibly can of what we are going through and what happened in the past to get us to this point. I've seen countless people use the fact Mom lost custody to support you. It seems to me that all they've seen from you is the published Appellate Court decision that can be found online.

I ask you to provide us all with the Child Custody Settlement Conference Report from 2010 that was used to determine that Mom coached us and that you should be awarded custody. It is time to see exactly what it is that Mom coached us about that was so egregious to lose custody. 

You've led your supporters to believe Mom is capable of brainwashing us, and you have influenced so many of your followers to want her prosecuted for possibly hiding with Syd and Dani and "emotionally abusing" them.

If you are in the right, you should have no reason to fear immediately producing that document for the public to see.

Thank you.

Brittany

Random Memory #8: Naked Woman On Dad's Mission

My dad told this story to us countless times. It seemed to be a favorite story of his. Sydney, Dani and I always got the feeling when he told it that he was getting some kind of sick thrill in telling us inappropriate things and forcing us to picture related images in our minds.




Dad says this happened to him on his LDS mission, and he would tell it to us regularly since we were 10, 6 and 5 years old. My dad claimed that one day he was separated and alone from his missionary companion. 
(Everyone knows mission companions are supposed to be together always, and not ever be alone). 

Dad told us that he went into his apartment, where there was a beautiful Brazilian woman waiting to get him alone. He would tell us how this woman undressed in front of him until she was completely naked, tempting him. He told us that the beautiful naked woman "jumped on top of him and attacked him" when he tried to escape. He liked to say it took him a "long time to fight her off" and that "it was really hard to do because she was so attractive," but that he eventually resisted and "got away."

My dad told us that he came home from his mission early 'honorably.' From a young girl's perspective, I was always confused as to why he kept telling us this story and why he was sent home early, if he didn't have sexual relations with the Brazilian lady he spoke of. I don't recall him ever telling us the story around Angie or my mom. 

The obscene details of this story are hardly something a parent should describe to a child once, let alone repeat multiple times over the years to one’s very young daughters. I wish I could forget it.


Photo credit: www.ethanrwilkinson.com

December 16, 2014

Another Response To A Tweet


People who don't know my mom call her crazy. People who DO know my mom call her just the opposite. Everyone who knows my mom calls her loving, kind, rational, smart, and supportive. Multiple therapists have examined her and found her to not be crazy, and to be mentally sound. My sisters were examined in June before they were forced to run away, and the psychologist Dr. Hyde currently attests that it would be harmful to my sisters to be removed from our mother's custody. All three of us know that our mother is not abusive.


People who don't know my father call him loving and kind. People who live with him behind closed doors, under his authority, know that he is not. All three of his daughters who are old enough to articulate detailed accounts of his abuse agree that our father is abusive. He is consistently abusive. He is chronically abusive. He seems to be unwilling to change how abusive he is, despite his admitted years of investigations into his abuse. 

December 15, 2014

A Great Blog Post

The following is a great blog post at the Equality Time blog that addresses a comment made this week by my dad's ardent supporter, Aaron Allred. Aaron is the founder and trustee of my dad's trust fund set up to help him fight me and my sisters in court where we seek protection from his abuse. His comment was incorporated into the blog Aaron created this week to support my father even further, by filling that blog with multiple allegations that I am a kidnapper and a liar, and that my supporters are as well. 

Having never spoken to Aaron Allred, or heard any comments or questions from him directly about my situation, I am not sure how he feels he can come forward with such statements that are misinformed and completely false.

December 14, 2014

Response To A Tweet

My dad's supporters tweeted this on Friday, December 12, 2014: "mother loses custody girls go missing."

Mom lost custody of us four years ago. I think it's pretty lame to continue to try to paint this urgent situation as a mom losing custody and suddenly taking off with her children. If my mom had wanted to take the girls and run, she would have done so six years ago when she first sought to protect my sisters after we complained about his abuse, and after she had found the Roby Report which revealed my dad's psychosexual therapist recommended supervised visitation was safest for my sisters and me. It was obvious my mom wasn't trying to remove my dad's rights, because she always encouraged a SAFE relationship with our father from the moment she discovered (too late)
 that her children may be at risk without supervised visits with our dad.

Shame on all those who keep suggesting that my mom has kidnapped my sisters. My sisters were not kidnapped. They ran away, only after their safety was removed when the court dropped their temporary restraining order and delayed their day in court. The restraining order and a court date to determine a safer place to live were the only protections that stood between my sisters and our father, whom they had just accused of abuse.

If my mom is with my sisters, I know that it is because she legally has the right, and morally has the obligation, to protect her children from known abuse. I know that my father is abusive. My sisters and mother know that he is abusive. Our family therapist who knows Dad knows that he is abusive. Now we need the court to give us the chance to say why, officially, in court.

December 11, 2014

Where Is My Mom?

I've been getting a lot of questions and concern about the whereabouts of my mom, in addition to much speculation from supporters on both sides about whether or not I am worried about my mom who is also missing.

I hope that she is safe in a shelter where she and my sisters can remain free from abuse. As I have said before, I have never felt safer than when my sisters and I lived in a shelter with Mom. I want to believe my sisters have found a good shelter to live in until they can emerge once the courts have established official, permanent safety for them. I hope that they asked my mom to be with them to protect them until the court grants them official safety. I simply don't know where they are; I assume they kept me in the dark about their plans in order to protect me.

I hope and pray that the court hears our pleas and helps my sisters. I will keep trying to help them get heard. To do this, I need your help financially because it is expensive trying to get the courts to listen.

December 10, 2014

Thank You For Commenting!

photo credit: www.hallmark.com

I want to thank everyone for taking the time to offer words of support and encouragement to me and my sisters throughout the pages and posts of my blog. I feel that keeping the ability to comment anonymously helps people to open up to me--sometimes about their own experiences with abuse which I know are hard to share. Anonymity helps people who feel unsafe to feel safe enough to post comments. (To those who question why anyone would feel unsafe: there have been people followed, hacked, threatened with physical harm, threatened with prosecution and imprisonment for things they did not do, and supporters have been bullied and ridiculed extensively). To those of you brave enough to stick by my side despite such threatening behavior by my dad's supporters, I hope you are blessed for your kindness. Your loving support means the world to me as I navigate trying to help my sisters be heard.

An occasional comment will be held in moderation until I can copy it to its own post. So if you have posted a good comment and are confused why it hasn't appeared yet, please be patient! I will address you if and when I find the time and energy to draft a thoughtful post about your concerns.

To those few persons who have not seen your comment get posted, I want to let you know that your comment will not be posted if it contains words that minimize the abuse my sisters and I have experienced. I also refuse to post comments that minimize the abuse my stepmom or mom have experienced while being married to my father. I have zero interest in promoting in any way anyone's sly effort to shame the victims of my father, Brian, with attempts to make us doubt our memory or experience. I suspect that a person must be pretty far gone already to read about how my dad has treated Angie, Abby, my mom, Sydney, Danielle, and me and not see it for the blatant abuse and unrighteous dominion that it clearly is.


Please continue to share your thoughts and questions in comments to this blog. It not only helps encourage new ideas for posts--it also shows support to Sydney and Dani during this holiday season.

Love to you all,

Brittany Wolferts

Brian Wolferts

The following is documented on my Timeline tab. It is a compilation of experiences as told to me by Sydney and Dani, as well as my own words regarding our dad, Brian Wolferts:





  • As small children he would violently shake, shove, slap, throw, wrench our skin, pull our hair, jamb his elbow in to our abdomen and knock our heads with knuckles or thumb and forefinger, etc.
  • He often picks up my youngest sister Abby (who is 3 now) in a very unusual way by gripping his hands around her upper thighs and carrying her by her upper thighs in to her room, where he locks the door against anyone else entering.
  • We have seen him physically hurt her, and have seen many bruises on her upper thighs. We have been too afraid to take pictures because he always checks our phone and obsessively controls us in order to find out about every single thing we do or say.
  • When he takes her screaming into the room, locks the door, and prevents her mother and everyone else from entering, we have overheard a pattern of her going from 5 to 10 minutes of intense screaming to, about 15 seconds or more of abrupt silence, screaming again then silence, which is followed by a long period of crying. We have often wondered if it is possible for her to be dead during her sudden total silence after screaming only because we can’t think of anything that would cause her sudden silence. This has happened approximately 2 to 3 times a week beginning from around the time she was 1 and 1 1/2 years old, which would make it over 200 times.
  • He has slapped been verbally abusive and constantly been extremely cruel to our stepmom in front of us on a weekly basis, constantly making her cry.
  • During the approximate three months that he started constantly telling us in-depth details about Josh Powell he would obsessively describe disturbing details about the way Josh Powell’s mind worked, tell us in great detail about how Josh Powell thought, and give us many painstaking details about all the various kinds of tactics Josh Powell used. This was extremely uncomfortable for us because he was near precisely describing himself and the ways that he acted and thought.
  • He often performs an abusive or negative act, immediately claims that others have performed his acts, then pretends that he is being grievously victimized by those very people he has acted upon. He has convinced many people through this pretend victim acting.
  • He has brought up leaving the U S., and we are sure he is planning another move in the same way that he secretly planned to move us quickly away from Utah.
  • My dad's abuse has caused my sisters and I to experience physical damage through various illnesses and symptoms of prolonged emotional distress through: varying degrees of shock, nauseas, severe headaches, bed wetting, nightmares, Celiac’s Disease symptoms, flashbacks, and overwhelming desire for our lives to end—at times with an imminent threat of complete emotional breakdown.
  • December 9, 2014

    Why I Think My Sisters Are Safe

    Over the years, when my sisters and I would get a moment of privacy (which was actually very rare, and difficult to do because my dad and Angie religiously kept us from having any time alone even at home), we often fantasized about escaping dad's house because of the abuse, control, and terror we were forced to endure daily. We all felt a strong need to be free of that environment. I had asked them if they would rather have me move out and seek help for them, or stay with our dad's consistent monitoring in a situation where I wouldn't be able to fight for their voices. They knew I could help them find safety if I left when I turned 18. They deserve to live a life free of Dad's abuse. This fact will always be true.

    My sisters made no secret to me of wanting to tell the court what we have been forced to endure, and they also made no secret of talking about how they would feel the need to run away if the court didn't listen and sent them back to our dad after they told on him. They never divulged details or strategies with me, but I believe they would have looked into it and would have planned it intelligently. They are smart girls, and they are familiar with shelters because we had to live in shelters before with our mom when Dad's abuse was unbearable.

    Imagine being in my sisters' shoes. They, like many of the people who are interested in this story, just couldn't imagine that a Juvenile Court judge would see our petition and our supporting document from Dr. Hyde and not protect them. Yet that is exactly what happened, and it really does feel surreal and unbelievable. I am working hard to get the court to reconsider the plight of my sisters and the danger the court has put them in.

    Do I think my mom is hiding with them? I don't know. I certainly hope so. I hope that if she is with them and protecting them like I believe she is doing, that the courts are lenient and understanding of her necessary act of protecting her daughters from the abuse the court enabled. I also hope that upon reading or hearing the truth about my father, that the courts will find themselves less able to continue to side with our abuser and less able to inflict further injustice and abuse against his victims (including my mom). 

    My mom has always been a constant source of loving kindness and support in our lives. She is a good mother and has been our one source of healthy parenting and our most immediate example of Christlike love and compassion. She does not abuse us, nor does she seek to besmirch our dad to us. She understands what pain life with dad involves, because she lived it, too. She listens to us when we vent our frustration and pain about our abuse, but she does not tell us what to feel or what to do. She did not turn us against our dad--his abuse did. She tried to help us navigate our dismay and our fear as well as she could, getting us therapy and teaching us to pray for help and to practice patience and protect ourselves as best we could. She has always sought to help us be happy despite the horrible custody decision the court made years ago. 
    My mom isn't perfect, but these decisions she has repeatedly made to spare us as much pain as possible from my dad's abusive techniques made all the difference. 


    Why I'm Worried About Abby

    Sweet little Abby in summer 2013
    One day sometime in 2012, Angie came home from the doctor and in an unguarded moment told me that Abby's doctor had examined Abby and told her that Abby limped because she had a problem with her hips caused by physical trauma of some kind - an injury she had not been born with. (Abby had been limping since she first started walking). Angie seemed confused about what kind of trauma Abby could have endured, guessing that perhaps Abby fell very hard at some point, but my sisters and I looked at each other and we knew immediately. Angie revealed that the doctor said Abby needed physical therapy to try to fix the problem, and if that didn't work, surgery would be necessary. There was even a long-term leg brace in question. 

    When my dad came home from work and heard about the doctor's examination results, he pulled Angie into the bedroom and shut the door, where he berated her for discussing the details with us and must have told her to never talk about it any more to anyone. (I'm assuming he ordered her to never speak of it again, because of the fact that after he talked with her it was suddenly taboo for her or anyone else to make a single comment about Abby's limp/injury).


    They started having a physical therapist come to the house to work with Abby, but they came only during school hours, or whenever Syd, Dani, and I weren't home. My dad wouldn't let anyone discuss even the physical therapy. One time I remember one of my sisters asking at dinner about how Abby's PT was going, and my dad silenced her and changed the subject before she got an answer. So we knew the subject was off limits.

    The public scrutiny of our situation with our father has brought out much discussion that he clearly does not want to have. I'm worried about Abby because knowing what I know about the doctor's recommendations and Abby's physical therapy, the following contradictions coming from my dad and his supporters have me pretty convinced that something is wrong where Abby is concerned. I'm so worried about her.

    CLICK "READ MORE" TO SEE THE REST OF WHY I'M WORRIED ABOUT ABBY:


    December 8, 2014

    Obsessive Control: Monitoring Movements

    I want to talk some more about what it feels like to live under the extreme and obsessive control of someone who uses isolation, triangulation, anger, fear and punishment to control everyone in his house. There is a really soul-crushing way that my dad exerts his obsessive control and dominion: he monitors everything. It's like living life on eggshells where any normal thing could set off my dad and cause his violent temper to erupt.

    My dad (Brian Wolferts) always obsessively monitored all communication with our mom. We had to ask his permission to call our mom, even if it was just to tell her how our day went, and most times he would tell us there was no reason we needed to contact her so we weren't allowed to. When we did call her, we had to be in the same room with him at all times so he was within earshot of every word. 


    After my dad moved the girls to Kansas (I had moved out six months previous), he continued to obsessively monitor all calls and Skype (video) calls between them and me/our mom. He limited their calls to 15-20 minutes once a week, and demanded such calls only happen using his cell phone when he was in the room to monitor what we said. Often he would manufacture reasons to cut their calls short, as he had always done even before the move. Sydney and Dani told me they could never express how they truly felt because he would punish them for almost anything they said.

    CLICK "READ MORE" TO SEE MORE OF MY POST:

    December 7, 2014

    The Past Ten Years (From a Child's Perspective)

    On July 17, 2014, my two younger sisters ran away. That's the story that got so many people involved with my family's situation. But the story behind what happened this July has lasted over ten years... It's the story of my life.

    When I was nine years old, my parents separated. I never understood what it was like to not live in constant fear of my father. I felt that I was living with a ticking time bomb, because if my sisters or I did things such as eat the wrong way or close a door wrong, he would become extremely aggressive towards us. He would hurt us physically by pinching and twisting skin, thumping on the head, yanking limbs, etc. He also attacked my mom if she did anything he disapproved of--and that could be literally anything. I saw him not only psychologically but physically abuse her, and that was so harmful to me. Up until the time of my parent's separation, I thought that's what dads were like. I thought being afraid of my dad was normal. Seeing the way he treated my mom, I learned to think that was just how fathers treated mothers. I was always confused when I went to my friend's houses and saw that their dads were loving and treated their wives and families with kindness and respect.

    When my mom chose to leave late one night and take us to a shelter, I had never felt more safe and protected in my life.  I felt so happy because I was away from my dad. Being a nine year old girl, I wasn't sure if I should feel guilty for being so happy and not missing his presence. Knowing we were somewhere where he couldn't get to us made me feel so secure.

    CLICK "READ MORE" TO SEE MORE OF MY POST:

    December 6, 2014

    Random Memory #7: My Bras

    One time Dad went through the laundry (even though he wasn’t the one who typically did the laundry at his house) and he brought one of my bras from the wash to me. He lifted it up and told me I didn’t need to wear a padded bra because it would make the boys at school think bad thoughts. Excuse me?

    I tried to defend why I had to wear such bras, hating having to explain to him that they are necessary and normal for girls my age (at that time) to wear, not wanting to point out to him how mildly padded bra cups are necessary for newly developing breasts to not be very noticeable underneath t-shirts. The discussion moved to the kitchen table to become a lengthy lecture that included Angie. He told me he expected me to throw out all my padded bras and get thin ones like Angie’s. It disturbed me SO MUCH to watch him touching and inspecting one of my bras from the wash he had dug through the laundry to find.

    Then he had Angie bring one of her unpadded bras to the table, and compared our two bras at length, which was mortifying and made me severely uncomfortable.

    December 5, 2014

    Random Memory #6: Abby at the Restaurant

    Shortly before they moved to Kansas, my dad had a family dinner out at the Star of India restaurant in Salt Lake City. My dad, Angie, Syd, Dani, Abby, Angie's parents, and her three brothers were all there. (This actually happened during the same trip as the kissing incident).

    At one point, someone noticed that Abby was squirming in her chair - a clear indication that she needed to go to the restroom. She had already graduated out of diapers and was potty training. She was almost three. When one of the girls said "I think Abby needs to go to the bathroom," my dad said he'd take her. Abby immediately started crying and screaming--signs that she didn't want him to take her. She reached for Angie and screamed, but Dad insisted that he be the only one to take her, even when Angie offered more than once to take Abby herself. Abby screamed all the way across the restaurant as he took her to the restroom, and I could hear her faint screams from behind the bathroom walls.


    She looked distressed when he brought her back to the table afterward. Her eyes were all puffy from crying and she seemed more subdued and clingy toward us. I don't know what possible reason could my dad have had to not just let any one of us take her instead. There were nine other capable loved ones who could have taken Abby without giving her the distress she clearly felt. 

    The reason I'm posting this memory is because this wasn't a one-time occurrence. Abby typically resisted going to my dad in this way, yet he would always insist that he had to be the one to take her. She seemed very traumatized and scared of him on many, many instances that the girls and I recall.

    Random Memory #5: Temple Square


    I'm still ill over this next memory of abhorrence. 

    During a Christmas holiday family outing to Temple Square during December of 2013 just before my Dad moved my sisters to Kansas, we traveled in a caravan of multiple cars to a couple of destinations. At two different points during the night, either Syd or Dani were with me in the back seat of our grandparents’ car just ahead of Dad's car. Whichever one of them wasn't in the car with me was riding in the car with Dad and Angie. 

    Months later, during their first visit to Utah from Kansas, one of them told me about this incident because it disturbed her so much. (The reason why it took months for them to disclose the incident to me was because all communication was monitored in Kansas to my mom and I. To read more about that, click here.) Immediately the other one said that it had also happened to her during the time that she had been alone in the car with Dad and Angie that night. I can't recall which sister reported it first, but I do remember they both had been disgusted by Dad suggesting what he did.

    What happened was this: that holiday night, Dad pointed out to Syd while she was alone in his car with him and Angie that the grandparents' back car window up ahead was foggy. He said to her, "Why do you think the window is foggy? What do you think Brittany and Dani are doing to make it foggy like that?" Sydney was instantly scared by his suggestive tone. "Their heads seem close together... Are Brittany and Dani kissing each other??" Sydney was absolutely shocked at the mere thought that Dad conjured that image up. She was even more mortified at the fact that he was trying to put that image in her mind! Syd told me that Dad then laughed about what he'd said, as Sydney sat speechless in absolute and utter horror. 


    Apparently, when Dani was alone with him and Angie in their car as we traveled to another destination, he said the same thing to her. When he suggested the grandparents' steamy window was probably due to "Brittany and Syd kissing each other", Dani was just as stunned and freaked out as Sydney. To say they were 'uncomfortable' would be a terrible understatement. When the girls told me about this situation, they said they were both sick to their stomachs just recounting it. 

    The fact that he made reference to me passionately kissing each of my sisters out loud to them both suggests to me that he either enjoyed the lewd thought of an incestuous kiss between me and my sisters, or he enjoyed the disgust he was inciting with his lewd suggestions to them, or both. Either way, it is highly disturbing on so many levels that I can't even describe. Hearing my sisters describing what happened left me literally in shock, and it was obvious they had still not even been able to recover from the incident months later when they told me about it.



    Photo credit: imgarcade.com

    Random Memory #4: Abby's Punishment

    This was one of the first times I remember Angie completely disagreeing with dad’s “punishment methods” to Abby. I don’t remember what Abby was doing to be referred to as being “unreasonable,” I think she was just being a normal toddler and not wanting to get ready for bedtime. Dad had (and still has) a method of ripping Abby away from everyone, especially Angie, and going into another room to “calm her down.”


    This happened on the evening of Oct 21st, 2012. As usual, Abby started screaming and sobbing much, much louder when he came for her, and Angie expressed that she didn’t think it was necessary to punish Abby that way. She (Angie) asked Dad to keep Abby with her or something, and he got very angry with Angie and said things that he often did: “I raised three daughters, I know what I’m doing” “I’ve been a parent before and you haven’t” “You don’t know how to calm her down” “Have you taken care of a baby before?” etc. Angie was actually adamant this time, which happened rarely, and again expressed her disagreement with Dad’s punishment method and didn’t think it was necessary. One of us, or all of us (I can’t remember) agreed and said we didn’t think Abby needed that, that she could calm down on her own. 

    He was infuriated with Angie for standing up and with us for agreeing with her, and took Abby anyway. Abby screamed very loud as usual. It took a long time to hear dad stop yelling at Abby behind the door and for her to “calm down,” which meant for her to stop crying. (She basically stopped crying when she was too exhausted to cry any more). When he came out of the room, he had an attitude of “See? She calmed down. It worked.” He was still upset with Angie because we went along with her, and that night I heard him talking to Angie for a long time—at least an hour—very angrily to put her in her place. My bedroom was below theirs, and I heard her crying. 

    The incident was minimized the next morning. On our way to school, Angie sent this text to all three of us from her work. We were surprised that she was taking so much fault, and I knew that Dad made Angie text us because of their talk the night before.
    Good Morning Girls. Sorry if you overheard ur dad and I disagreeing about how to deal with Abby being unreasonable last night. I over reacted and said things I shouldn’t have, Abby was out of control and ur dad did a great job calming her down and getting her ready for bed despite her biting and smacking him like 50 times.  Ur dad is a great man and is very good with Abby even with her being very unreasonable. Please help support him getting Abby ready and out the door this morning. Thanks. Luv U! Have a great day.  Tues. Oct. 22, 2012 7:00am. 
    Ur dad luvs and wants the best for all his girls and is committed to ur happiness and success.  Many men just get wrapped up in their own hobbies and interests but ur dad is directly involved in and genuinely interested in ur lives. U girls are blessed to have a father who loves you so much and has sacrificed so much for your happiness and success in life. ☺ Tues. Oct. 22, 2012 7:05am. 
    Im moody and I often say and do things that are not reasonable and are rude or hurtful when I am hormonal. Sorry. Ur dad did a good job with Abby, im the problem. Tues. Oct. 22, 2012 7:05am.  [Spelling and grammar as in original text]
    Photo credit: homegroup.org

    December 4, 2014

    Random Memory #3: Child Pornography

    One evening, when I was getting ready to go out with friends, my dad called me up to his room for a discussion. I assumed he wanted to ask me what we were going to do, but I was totally unprepared in every way for the conversation that was about to take place.

    When I went upstairs to my dad, he started talking about child porn, which was totally random and out of the blue. He said, “A ring of people who made child pornography was busted, right here in Utah Valley.”

    “Wow dad,” I said, “that’s crazy.”

    “Yeah,” He responded, “And what’s crazy is that these people have made thousands of videos of doing things to children, and even just in regular homes like ours.”

    I began to feel nervous. Knowing how my dad would tend to get stuck on subjects that made me feel uncomfortable or violated, I tried to change the subject as quickly as possible, but I knew he was set on talking about this as long as possible.

    “Do you know what child pornography is, Brittany?”

    I looked at him with disgust, knowing full well that he was going to prey on my purity in that moment. He looked back at me with a smirk in his eyes. I felt him watching me grow uneasy, as much as I tried to hide it.

    “I feel like I know enough about it to understand that it’s bad,” I said, praying he’d spare me his description.

    “You need to understand how it works.”

    “I don’t need to know any more than I do,” I attempted to shut down the conversation once more. My stomach and chest were heavy with dread. He completely ignored my response, and continued:

    “What happens is that adults will take children, as young as Abby’s age, and perform sexual acts with them…”

    “Dad, I don’t want to hear this”—

    “--The adults can be about Angie’s and my age. Can you even imagine someone my age doing that with Abby?”

    I was filled with abhorrence and felt nauseous at the mere thought. Beyond the fact that he was ‘teaching’ me about child pornography, he was trying to put an image in my mind that he knew would make me squirm with distress. He was referring to my baby sister, Abby, being a subject of child porn. And the way he worded it, about the adults being his age… It put an image of him doing something like that with Abby into my mind, which repulsed me. I was tormented with a disturbing image that I didn’t conjure on my own.

    “No, I can’t even imagine. Dad, that’s awful. Why do you think you need to tell me this? I don’t want you to tell me all this!” Inside, I was screaming. I wanted to leave the room, but I knew he wouldn’t let me.

    “Sometimes, people will be hired to come in. But that’s not always the case--sometimes, it will even be a parent to their child.”

    I felt the need to vomit.

    December 3, 2014

    Facts About the GoFundMe Account

    There has been some speculation about the GoFundMe account that was set up to help me and my sisters pay for attorneys.

    When I filed the original petition to determine abuse and neglect against my dad in late June 2014, I was represented pro bono by an attorney. He had health problems and had to resign his bar membership effective July 1, 2014. I was left without legal representation when I needed it most desperately. Another attorney stepped in and represented me pro bono at the July 11 hearing where Judge Bartholomew vacated the temporary restraining order, which led my to my sisters deciding to run away on July 17 rather than go back to our dad whom they had publicly accused of abusing them. After the hearing, I was again left without an attorney to help me get the petition heard and my sisters protected.

    In September, multiple family members rallied together and graciously loaned me money to pay the $5,000 retainer to hire a good attorney in Utah County with experience both in the Fourth District Court where my parents' divorce case was filed and in the Juvenile Court where my petition was filed. My attorneys are Trent Cahill and Scott Weight at Esplin Weight. I have also received some pro bono legal advice from an out-of-state attorney who has had experience trying a divorce case in the Fourth District Court in the past.

    My attorneys have had to work hard defending against my dad's aggressive legal maneuvers. My dad has deployed every artifice and stratagem in his lawyer's legal arsenal to keep me and my sisters from having our day in court. Most recently, my dad was able to get the Juvenile Court to dismiss the amended petition we had submitted. 

    We are now asking the Court to reconsider that dismissal and have plans to continue fighting. But it takes money. Through today, I have incurred $9,235 in legal fees with Esplin & Weight. My attorneys estimate that if we are ultimately able to get the case reinstated and get through an evidentiary hearing, it will cost an additional $10,000, which you can see he has included in my most recent billing statement dated 26 November, 2014.
    I am extremely grateful to all who have contributed to the GoFundMe account. I assure you that it is all going to pay my legal fees, either directly to my attorneys or to re-pay the family loan that was made to fund the legal retainer when I hired Esplin & Weight. So far, I have raised $2,920 through the GoFundMe. Of that amount, GoFundMe takes a 5% commission off the top, and another company takes an additional 3% to transfer the money to a bank account. So, I have yielded a net of $2690.78 from the GoFundMe. Many of the contributions to the GoFundMe have come from family members. From the general public and anonymous posters (some of whom may have been family, but I don't know), I have raised $2,690.78 through the GoFundMe as of December 3, 2014. Since receiving this bill, my uncle sent to Esplin Weight another $2,000 payment using his credit card on Monday, December 1st, which payment comes directly from your GoFundMe contributions. I will include proof of this $2,000 payment to this post when I get the receipt from Esplin Weight. This payment will also be reflected in my next statement by Esplin Weight that I will share here with you when I get it. So that means that since three days ago, my current amount due Esplin Weight is $12,235 ($2,235 for past work already done, and $10,000 for work they will do going forward). I still desperately need your help.

    So to recap:
    $9,235     Legal fees incurred to date by Esplin Weight
    ($5,000)  Retainer paid to and used by Esplin Weight
    $10,000   Estimated additional fees needed
    ($2,000)  Payment made to Esplin Weight on Dec 1, 2014

    $12,235   Amount currently due Esplin Weight today.

    This is far below what I need to raise to continue to pay my attorneys' fees. But, again, I want to express my gratitude to all who have contributed. I want you to know that the money you have donated was and is needed, and appreciated, and it has not been wasted or used for any other purpose than to help me and my sisters in our legal battle to keep them safe and protected. 

    December 2, 2014

    Obsessive Control: Isolation

    Before I begin, I want to take a second to remind you all that I am Sydney and Dani's older sister. That sounds incredibly redundant, but you'd be surprised how many comments I see that try to disarm this blog. This blog is full of direct statements from those girls. I may have created it, but its use is to give these girls a voice. It is obvious who actually has their best interests in heart and really wants to know how they feel, based off of those people who support this site.

    Below, I have listed a mere few examples of how my dad has mastered interfering with relationships, and specifically how he has managed to interfere with our relationship with our mother, as well as even between the three of us sisters.

    It was obvious to the girls and I that dad sought to isolate us completely by seeking a job in and moving to Kansas. He moved my sisters in the middle of the school year, despite my dad's brother and his wife offering to let my sisters live with them at least until the end of the school year. They offered that to lessen the effects of the girls' traumatic situation, because even my dad's family was aware that those girls had already been through more traumatic, life-changing things than most other 13 and 15 year-olds. It's obvious to me that he didn't want my sisters having freedom to tell on him, or to see our mom more often before he moved them (for the full story leading up to their Kansas move, click here.)

    He only allowed Syd and Dani to call Mom (and me) for 15 minutes one time per week, and only if he was there monitoring the call. He insisted they could only use his phone or his Skype account. If they were found to have texted our mom or communicated with her in any way without informing him, even if it was simply telling her how their day had been, he became infuriated with them (of course, our emails and phones were strictly monitored). We had to plug our phones in a separate room every night, where only Dad had access, and we couldn't even text Mom good night. 


    Once he moved them to Kansas, Dad fought to make Sydney's and Dani's visits back to Mom difficult, expensive, and short. They only got about 4 total days over two visits to Utah between December and their summer visitation to Utah in June (that's four days over the course of six months).

    His isolation tactics extended to even the smallest moments at his house both before and after he moved to Kansas. Dad forbade Sydney and Dani from hugging me after family prayers at bedtime, because he believed that they had been giving me longer hugs than they had been giving Angie. All three of us felt this type of controlling behavior was unfair and unreasonable. I can't hug my sisters?

    December 1, 2014

    Not Teenage Whim

    I have felt the need for some time to address multiple comments I've seen (the majority on my dad's Facebook pages) that suggest that my sisters are simply teenagers who "just want to live with our mom" and who should basically suck it up and just come to terms with living in Kansas. This is so offensive to me, and dangerously ignorant to suggest such a thing. I'm sure it's even more offensive to Sydney and Dani, who have literally put their lives in danger by speaking out.

    Who are these people? Why would they want anyone to go to a place they know is harmful? I've seen some comments describing this as "willful denial" and that's a perfect description of these comments. I would like to give a message to those who are posting against my sisters who have a knowledge of the abuse: You are supporting the abuse of these innocent girls. You are fighting to return them to my father, who is the cause of their abuse, and who will certainly abuse them further. 

    I can tell that many of my father's supporters do not know what it feels like to live under the extreme and obsessive control of someone who uses isolation, triangulation, physical violence, anger, fear tactics, and punishment to control everyone in his house. I have spent 19 years in constant fear and anxiety about what he might do to me, my sisters, my mom, and my stepmom. Just because I'm out of the house doesn't mean I can forget about my family members that are still having to deal with that on a daily basis. 

    I have presented multiple forms of evidence that my dad is abusive, and yet many refuse to believe it and seem anxious to silence me and my sisters. Many vocally discount my words and the words of my sisters, on behalf of my abuser. It really shocks me when I see it. 
    My sisters and I have been abused over the entire course of our lives. 
    Our abuser is our father. 

    I cannot be more clear about this truth. Our mother is not our abuser. Many of you who have posted against my sisters have convinced yourselves and others that you are actually fighting to protect my sisters from my mother. The truth is here: she has not brainwashed us to hate our dad. My dad's abuse hasn't even caused us to hate him. But it has caused us to run from his abuse. We are not lying about this. This is not a game of hide-and-seek being played. This is not an issue of teenage whim. This is a scary, possibly life-threatening situation where our abuser is relentlessly trying to find my sisters and get them returned to him before they can speak up in court. 

    I know that it is absolutely 100% NOT SAFE for Sydney and Dani to go back there now that they have exposed him after years of living in the shadow of fear he cast on us. Certainly Sydney and Dani themselves know it's not safe, or else they'd be here now. No child deserves anything less than a safe home. It is clear, based on his actions since my sisters ran away, that my dad is desperate to silence my sisters and me.
      
    Please help us.

    November 24, 2014

    Random Memory #2: Angie

    I debated whether or not to include Angie in my descriptions of my dad's abuse tactics that we were all exposed to. But since the way he treated my stepmom was daily-occurring abuse that traumatized us all, I feel that I must. I hope that Angie understands my love and concern for her are what motivate my decision to post this. I know that she has been made to defend my dad during the public outcry that has come from the public scrutiny of our situation, and that she (or my dad using her Facebook account) has stated that I am "lying" about him and the abuse my baby sister endured. I cannot apologize for telling the truth, nor should I be made to. I completely understand her untenable position right now, and I fear for her safety more than ever, since I am certain my dad is raging about being exposed. She and Abby are the closest and easiest targets of his rage. It scares me so much for them. 

    My dad treats Angie worst of all of us. Watching an adult in my home being physically, emotionally, and verbally abused has instilled intense insecurity, fear for her and for ourselves, and has caused me severe anxiety and distress that was constant during the time I lived with him. It was particularly difficult for me to see Angie being treated so poorly because it reminded me and kept fresh all of my trauma from watching him abuse and demean my mom while I was younger.

    I have listed some of the many ways my dad publicly demeaned, controlled, and expressed anger toward Angie that my sisters and I have observed. I numbered them so that if anyone posts any questions about a specific item, they can refer to it in their comment:



    1. Dad has slapped, been verbally abusive, and constantly been extremely cruel to our stepmom in front of us on a weekly basis, constantly making her cry.
    2. He told Angie constantly that she doesn’t know what she’s doing as a parent like he does.
    3. He told Angie that he knows how to raise Abby more than she ever will.
    4. He lectured and berated Angie all the time for unusual things like setting her purse down the “wrong way.”
    5. He never allowed Angie to take her purse or phone into public restrooms or other public places without him, like the time he wouldn’t let her take her purse and phone with her on the train at the zoo. He insisted she let him hold her purse or phone instead.
    6. He would get mad at Angie if she didn’t back him up in his lectures, discipline, and in talking bad about our mom to us.