Dr. Phil 2

I was contacted by a producer of Dr. Phil around the end of November. Among the things they assured me in order to get me to agree to be on the show were the promises that I wouldn't have to confront my dad, that he wouldn't know what I was saying to them, and that Dr. Phil was an advocate for children and would let me speak. 

Although they said all those things, I was initially very skeptical. I didn't believe they would follow through with their promises and didn't see how the show would be a positive resource or outlet (and definitely not a final solution) for helping me help my sisters be safe from our dad's abuse. After years of the court system failing me and my sisters, my sisters running in July 2014, and all the ways my dad has attempted to keep me silenced in court since then, and all the ways my dad and his supporters have tried to scare me into backing down, I was almost to the point where I didn't think there was anything that could do to help my family's situation. I was losing hope.

Around this time, a lot of people told me they thought it would be a good thing to go on the show. I had family and friends who had seen highlights of shows where Dr. Phil stood up for the child, and the producers continued to tell me the same thing: that he was going to let me speak. I was very hopeful for that, because I felt that if my dad and I were able to civilly talk without him interrupting me like he had always done, maybe we could be a step closer to finding a compromise; a resolution.

I made a deal with the producers that I would go on the show only if I didn't

I Won't Give Up on My Sisters Being Safe

Random Memory #3: Child Pornography

One evening, when I was getting ready to go out with friends, my dad called me up to his room for a discussion. I assumed he wanted to ask me what we were going to do, but I was totally unprepared in every way for the conversation that was about to take place.

When I went upstairs to my dad, he started talking about child porn, which was totally random and out of the blue. He said, “A ring of people who made child pornography was busted, right here in Utah Valley.”

“Wow dad,” I said, “that’s crazy.”

“Yeah,” He responded, “And what’s crazy is that these people have made thousands of videos of doing things to children, and even just in regular homes like ours.”

I began to feel nervous. Knowing how my dad would tend to get stuck on subjects that made me feel uncomfortable or violated, I tried to change the subject as quickly as possible, but I knew he was set on talking about this as long as possible.

“Do you know what child pornography is, Brittany?”

I looked at him with disgust, knowing full well that he was going to prey on my purity in that moment. He looked back at me with a smirk in his eyes. I felt him watching me grow uneasy, as much as I tried to hide it.

“I feel like I know enough about it to understand that it’s bad,” I said, praying he’d spare me his description.

“You need to understand how it works.”

“I don’t need to know any more than I do,” I attempted to shut down the conversation once more. My stomach and chest were heavy with dread. He completely ignored my response, and continued:

“What happens is that adults will take children, as young as Abby’s age, and perform sexual acts with them…”

“Dad, I don’t want to hear this”—

“--The adults can be about Angie’s and my age. Can you even imagine someone my age doing that with Abby?”

I was filled with abhorrence and felt nauseous at the mere thought. Beyond the fact that he was ‘teaching’ me about child pornography, he was trying to put an image in my mind that he knew would make me squirm with distress. He was referring to my baby sister, Abby, being a subject of child porn. And the way he worded it, about the adults being his age… It put an image of him doing something like that with Abby into my mind, which repulsed me. I was tormented with a disturbing image that I didn’t conjure on my own.

“No, I can’t even imagine. Dad, that’s awful. Why do you think you need to tell me this? I don’t want you to tell me all this!” Inside, I was screaming. I wanted to leave the room, but I knew he wouldn’t let me.

“Sometimes, people will be hired to come in. But that’s not always the case--sometimes, it will even be a parent to their child.”

I felt the need to vomit.

Not Teenage Whim

I have felt the need for some time to address multiple comments I've seen (the majority on my dad's Facebook pages) that suggest that my sisters are simply teenagers who "just want to live with our mom" and who should basically suck it up and just come to terms with living in Kansas. This is so offensive to me, and dangerously ignorant to suggest such a thing. I'm sure it's even more offensive to Sydney and Dani, who have literally put their lives in danger by speaking out.

Who are these people? Why would they want anyone to go to a place they know is harmful? I've seen some comments describing this as "willful denial" and that's a perfect description of these comments. I would like to give a message to those who are posting against my sisters who have a knowledge of the abuse: You are supporting the abuse of these innocent girls. You are fighting to return them to my father, who is the cause of their abuse, and who will certainly abuse them further. 

I can tell that many of my father's supporters do not know what it feels like to live under the extreme and obsessive control of someone who uses isolation, triangulation, physical violence, anger, fear tactics, and punishment to control everyone in his house. I have spent 19 years in constant fear and anxiety about what he might do to me, my sisters, my mom, and my stepmom. Just because I'm out of the house doesn't mean I can forget about my family members that are still having to deal with that on a daily basis. 

I have presented multiple forms of evidence that my dad is abusive, and yet many refuse to believe it and seem anxious to silence me and my sisters. Many vocally discount my words and the words of my sisters, on behalf of my abuser. It really shocks me when I see it. 

My sisters and I have been abused over the entire course of our lives. 

Our abuser is our father. 

I cannot be more clear about this truth. Our mother is not our abuser. Many of you who have posted against my sisters have convinced yourselves and others that you are actually fighting to protect my sisters from my mother. The truth is here: she has not brainwashed us to hate our dad. My dad's abuse hasn't even caused us to hate him. But it has caused us to run from his abuse. We are not lying about this. This is not a game of hide-and-seek being played. This is not an issue of teenage whim. This is a scary, possibly life-threatening situation where our abuser is relentlessly trying to find my sisters and get them returned to him before they can speak up in court. 

I know that it is absolutely 100% NOT SAFE for Sydney and Dani to go back there now that they have exposed him after years of living in the shadow of fear he cast on us. Certainly Sydney and Dani themselves know it's not safe, or else they'd be here now. No child deserves anything less than a safe home. It is clear, based on his actions since my sisters ran away, that my dad is desperate to silence my sisters and me.
  
Please help us.