I was contacted by a producer of Dr. Phil around the end of November. Among the things they assured me in order to get me to agree to be on the show were the promises that I wouldn't have to confront my dad, that he wouldn't know what I was saying to them, and that Dr. Phil was an advocate for children and would let me speak.
Although they said all those things, I was initially very skeptical. I didn't believe they would follow through with their promises and didn't see how the show would be a positive resource or outlet (and definitely not a final solution) for helping me help my sisters be safe from our dad's abuse. After years of the court system failing me and my sisters, my sisters running in July 2014, and all the ways my dad has attempted to keep me silenced in court since then, and all the ways my dad and his supporters have tried to scare me into backing down, I was almost to the point where I didn't think there was anything that could do to help my family's situation. I was losing hope.
Around this time, a lot of people told me they thought it would be a good thing to go on the show. I had family and friends who had seen highlights of shows where Dr. Phil stood up for the child, and the producers continued to tell me the same thing: that he was going to let me speak. I was very hopeful for that, because I felt that if my dad and I were able to civilly talk without him interrupting me like he had always done, maybe we could be a step closer to finding a compromise; a resolution.
I made a deal with the producers that I would go on the show only if I didn't
Showing posts with label Alienation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Alienation. Show all posts
January 29, 2015
January 28, 2015
Dr. Phil
In the end of November, I was approached by an interested producer of Dr. Phil’s with the possibility to be on his show. I was led to believe that the show was on my side, ready to help me defend myself and my sisters from an abusive home life with our dad. During the process of being asked questions about the situation, I wondered if it was a good idea to trust Dr. Phil or not. I decided that I felt (and still feel) that shining as bright a light as possible on my sister’s situation is the best chance of them being protected and everything being resolved. Between our dad’s extreme emotional abuse and alienation, the court officials shredding our trust and failing us, and thousands of people jumping on my situation and making angry judgments… those girls have been through quite enough. I decided to go for it.
I assumed that Dr. Phil would be a good way to get even more people aware of our problems. After I realized that they weren’t going to help us unless I faced my dad on camera in person, I almost refused because I knew the imminent trauma of being in the physical presence of my abuser who I was (and am) still recovering from living with. But I weighed the possible good that Dr. Phil could do for my sisters, and I decided it would be worth the risk of facing my dad for the first time in over a year. I decided it would be worth the trauma. I told myself that I could handle it, prepare for it, and get through it.
But no amount of hopeful thinking could prepare me for the trauma I experienced being in his presence again and feeling his anger emanating toward me from
January 26, 2015
January 19, 2015
Dad's Attempts At Alienation
My dad (Brian Wolferts) sought my total isolation from my mother and anyone in her life, hoping that I would discover for myself his idea that my mom (Michelle) was “mentally ill” and “damned.” It was obvious to me that he needed me to have as little time as possible with my mother in order to make his implanted ideas stick easier, because the reality of time with my mom was completely opposite to what he kept repeating about her.
He told me the only way that I would discover for myself that she's "mentally ill" is if I cut off every tie not only with mom, but with her family, her friends, anyone in any of my wards I’ve lived in, anyone from her work field or people she knows from the ward, etc. For me to even begin to know "what she’s done, and the kind of person she really is". Because “they’ll all defend her because she’s got them thinking she’s the victim.” He would also tell us that she wasn't a good mother, and didn't really love us because of the way she tried to destroy our relationship with him. I have endured countless hours of my dad railing and lecturing us about our mom about all these things and many, many more. Yet she never tried to alienate us from him like he claims. I find it absolutely mind-boggling how much he accuses her now of doing the exact things he has done my entire life. I'm thankful that his attempts to alienate me from my mom didn't work.
When I say his attempts to alienate me from her 'didn't work,' I mean that they didn't keep me from wanting a relationship with her. I'm very thankful for that. But I didn't survive his alienation attempts without being affected. Dad tried as hard as he could to make us hate our mom. He found every excuse possible to sneak my mother into every subject, whether it was suggesting how awful a driver she was to accusing her of being mentally unstable and unfit to raise us. He always spoke negatively about our mom to us, and it was apparent that our dad wanted us to hate her. He incessantly channeled rage and abhorrence at us in hopes that we would channel it to her--it was apparent to me that the end goal of his raging to us was to get to Mom. It seems he wanted us to blame her for our pain he was causing us. It hurt us to have him talking about her so horribly (and I think it hurts any child to hear any parent talking bad about the other).
We knew Dad was not telling the truth. My sisters and I lived with our mom for six years, then visited her for the remaining four, and we never heard a negative remark against my father from my mom, even when we cried to her about the scary things he was saying and doing. She was gentle and kind our whole lives. I knew that his attempts to make us believe something untrue about Mom were wrong. The bad things my dad kept trying to convince us Mom was doing were almost verbatim what he was doing and had been doing for years.
It was easy to not internalize the falsehoods about my mom, because there was such a stark contrast between her true self and what Dad kept trying to make us believe about her. With that being said, though: there were times that it seemed that it would be so much easier to earn our dad's love and stop his attacks if we started hating her, but we knew it wasn't right to hate our mom, and we didn't want to! All of this constant negativity toward my mom that my dad openly fostered ever since they first separated brought us all immense internal pain.
In my personal experience (and I know Sydney and Dani feel the same way) I didn't want to be a vessel that channeled my dad's hatred to our mom--or anyone else for that matter--and so I turned the hatred inward. It seemed like the solution at first, but it didn't take much time to wear on me. My self-esteem, my faith in my talents, my belief that I was a good person--all of that began to decay. I've thought a lot about it, and I think that my dad fosters the idea in all of the people he lives with that they somehow deserve the horrible treatment he inflicts upon them. Because people with little or no self-esteem don't fight back.
What motivates him to do this?
He told me the only way that I would discover for myself that she's "mentally ill" is if I cut off every tie not only with mom, but with her family, her friends, anyone in any of my wards I’ve lived in, anyone from her work field or people she knows from the ward, etc. For me to even begin to know "what she’s done, and the kind of person she really is". Because “they’ll all defend her because she’s got them thinking she’s the victim.” He would also tell us that she wasn't a good mother, and didn't really love us because of the way she tried to destroy our relationship with him. I have endured countless hours of my dad railing and lecturing us about our mom about all these things and many, many more. Yet she never tried to alienate us from him like he claims. I find it absolutely mind-boggling how much he accuses her now of doing the exact things he has done my entire life. I'm thankful that his attempts to alienate me from my mom didn't work.
When I say his attempts to alienate me from her 'didn't work,' I mean that they didn't keep me from wanting a relationship with her. I'm very thankful for that. But I didn't survive his alienation attempts without being affected. Dad tried as hard as he could to make us hate our mom. He found every excuse possible to sneak my mother into every subject, whether it was suggesting how awful a driver she was to accusing her of being mentally unstable and unfit to raise us. He always spoke negatively about our mom to us, and it was apparent that our dad wanted us to hate her. He incessantly channeled rage and abhorrence at us in hopes that we would channel it to her--it was apparent to me that the end goal of his raging to us was to get to Mom. It seems he wanted us to blame her for our pain he was causing us. It hurt us to have him talking about her so horribly (and I think it hurts any child to hear any parent talking bad about the other).
We knew Dad was not telling the truth. My sisters and I lived with our mom for six years, then visited her for the remaining four, and we never heard a negative remark against my father from my mom, even when we cried to her about the scary things he was saying and doing. She was gentle and kind our whole lives. I knew that his attempts to make us believe something untrue about Mom were wrong. The bad things my dad kept trying to convince us Mom was doing were almost verbatim what he was doing and had been doing for years.
It was easy to not internalize the falsehoods about my mom, because there was such a stark contrast between her true self and what Dad kept trying to make us believe about her. With that being said, though: there were times that it seemed that it would be so much easier to earn our dad's love and stop his attacks if we started hating her, but we knew it wasn't right to hate our mom, and we didn't want to! All of this constant negativity toward my mom that my dad openly fostered ever since they first separated brought us all immense internal pain.
In my personal experience (and I know Sydney and Dani feel the same way) I didn't want to be a vessel that channeled my dad's hatred to our mom--or anyone else for that matter--and so I turned the hatred inward. It seemed like the solution at first, but it didn't take much time to wear on me. My self-esteem, my faith in my talents, my belief that I was a good person--all of that began to decay. I've thought a lot about it, and I think that my dad fosters the idea in all of the people he lives with that they somehow deserve the horrible treatment he inflicts upon them. Because people with little or no self-esteem don't fight back.
What motivates him to do this?
January 15, 2015
Sydney's Writings
I'm going to dedicate a couple posts on all of the alienation speculation going on, because not only does it affect me, but it affects my sisters.
There are statements such as "Brittany is the only one coming up with this stuff, so she's alienated", "Sydney and Dani haven't spoken about abuse", and even "If there was really abuse, Sydney and Dani would have come forward about it" circulating the internet. (And those are just to name a few.) No, I am not the only one claiming abuse. Sydney and Dani have spoken about it, in the ways that they could without facing Dad's wrath for doing so. This post is to highlight one of Sydney's writings, and also to encourage everyone to look at the Documents tab where there are multiple journal entries from both Sydney and Dani.
Until I turned 18, the only way I felt I could express myself was through my private journal entries and by confiding to my close friends. My sisters have tried to speak about the abuse they suffered in many ways as well. They told me of it when we lived together at dad's house, and continued to tell me of it after I moved away. What they disclosed to me compelled me to get them an appointment with Dr. Hyde, who believed them. He stood up for them and agreed they would be severely emotionally harmed (see #10) if sent back to Dad's. Sydney and Dani also wanted to tell a judge. They ran away rather than go back to Dad's abusive house. They made a video, stating that they are not safe there and that they would rather live in a box than go back there (and they had told me that very same thing on both visits home to Utah between December and June). They stated they will run away again if forced to live there. They also wrote journals outlining their experience, as I had.
Here is what Sydney wrote, outlining what she heard our dad (Brian Wolferts) telling her on a weekly basis. I highly encourage you to read the entire first three pages.
If you're interested, the next page (titled "My Only Freedom") was something she wrote for school, which she won an award for. She hid it from Dad because that poem was her expressing how she felt living in his custody, but she explained the imagery of her poetic words to me. When she writes, "it's like talking to a rock. There is no significance to my voice." she is referring to our dad as the rock. When she writes, "...like I used to when I was three. Before the mix-up." She is talking about before the divorce. When she writes, "Everyone expects me to cope with it," She's talking mostly about Dad when he would repeatedly tell us to "get over" the custody change that altered our world. She also felt there were other adults he associated with that expected the same thing of her. The page after that is a poem Syd wrote for me after I moved out, "ancrer mon âme" ("Anchor My Soul"). I hold it close to my heart.
If Sydney saw what has been said about her and Dani being alienated by Mom, I know she would be offended and hurt. Here they have put everything on the line to speak out about what my dad said and did to hurt them, in the best ways they could, only to be shot down. Sydney is a passionate writer, and obviously chose her words very carefully. In her moments of deepest pain, she would write to express herself. Shame on anyone who claims her writings are false.
Stay tuned for the next post, and thank you for everyone's supportive comments!
There are statements such as "Brittany is the only one coming up with this stuff, so she's alienated", "Sydney and Dani haven't spoken about abuse", and even "If there was really abuse, Sydney and Dani would have come forward about it" circulating the internet. (And those are just to name a few.) No, I am not the only one claiming abuse. Sydney and Dani have spoken about it, in the ways that they could without facing Dad's wrath for doing so. This post is to highlight one of Sydney's writings, and also to encourage everyone to look at the Documents tab where there are multiple journal entries from both Sydney and Dani.
Until I turned 18, the only way I felt I could express myself was through my private journal entries and by confiding to my close friends. My sisters have tried to speak about the abuse they suffered in many ways as well. They told me of it when we lived together at dad's house, and continued to tell me of it after I moved away. What they disclosed to me compelled me to get them an appointment with Dr. Hyde, who believed them. He stood up for them and agreed they would be severely emotionally harmed (see #10) if sent back to Dad's. Sydney and Dani also wanted to tell a judge. They ran away rather than go back to Dad's abusive house. They made a video, stating that they are not safe there and that they would rather live in a box than go back there (and they had told me that very same thing on both visits home to Utah between December and June). They stated they will run away again if forced to live there. They also wrote journals outlining their experience, as I had.
Here is what Sydney wrote, outlining what she heard our dad (Brian Wolferts) telling her on a weekly basis. I highly encourage you to read the entire first three pages.
If you're interested, the next page (titled "My Only Freedom") was something she wrote for school, which she won an award for. She hid it from Dad because that poem was her expressing how she felt living in his custody, but she explained the imagery of her poetic words to me. When she writes, "it's like talking to a rock. There is no significance to my voice." she is referring to our dad as the rock. When she writes, "...like I used to when I was three. Before the mix-up." She is talking about before the divorce. When she writes, "Everyone expects me to cope with it," She's talking mostly about Dad when he would repeatedly tell us to "get over" the custody change that altered our world. She also felt there were other adults he associated with that expected the same thing of her. The page after that is a poem Syd wrote for me after I moved out, "ancrer mon âme" ("Anchor My Soul"). I hold it close to my heart.
If Sydney saw what has been said about her and Dani being alienated by Mom, I know she would be offended and hurt. Here they have put everything on the line to speak out about what my dad said and did to hurt them, in the best ways they could, only to be shot down. Sydney is a passionate writer, and obviously chose her words very carefully. In her moments of deepest pain, she would write to express herself. Shame on anyone who claims her writings are false.
Stay tuned for the next post, and thank you for everyone's supportive comments!
December 28, 2014
My Sisters
For a while, I've wanted to dedicate a post to Sydney and Dani, my little sisters who aren't so little anymore. I think that there couldn't be a better time than the Holidays to do this. I'm going to write about who these girls are: their hobbies, their dreams, their goals, their fears. I'm going to write about them in a way that will portray them as the remarkable young women they are, instead of mere faces plastered to a flyer.
Syd is the second oldest to myself. She has a remarkable ability to round up people around her. She has a sense of genius sarcasm, and uses it in such a way that never offends her peers, but brings them together in many hours of fun and laughter. Syd also has a gentle, caring side to her which she uses to bring the spirit of peace into the lives of those she associates with. She has a marvelous poetic gift, and expresses herself through writing when she can. She has a high sense of fashion. She is absolutely gorgeous naturally, and I believe it is because you can see straight through to her stunning inner beauty as well as outer. Sydney has an exceptionally strong testimony. She may outwardly seem shy to some, but she is fierce in defending what is right. She has an innate sense of wisdom for her age--she has always seen a deeper side to life. She has always been great at making close friends that last, and she chooses those select people carefully.
Dani is the younger sister of the two. I can't believe how fast she is growing up. Dani's developed into a fine young lady, with amazing homemaking skills. She's better than me in the kitchen... and I've just learned to accept that! Even at her young age, I can see wonderful hints of what an outstanding mother she will be. She is also the family 'techy.' If Syd or I don't know how to work a new item, we'll call for Dani. Dani possesses this amazing ability to love all mankind. She's not naive: she exercises her love with caution. But she could fill all of the Pacific Ocean with her tender care. She loves people, as I do, and I could see her becoming a great many things in adulthood. Dani possesses a kind soul unlike any other, and she is constantly looking for ways to serve others, even within the walls of her own home. She has a gift for making many friends wherever she goes.
All of my sisters have a great sense of humor (that I just didn't seem to inherit) and outstanding artistic abilities. I'm so pleased that we all share the love of art together: it's a similar interest that binds us. They/we also love music and have all been blessed to have had a mother who was able to teach us piano when we were young. I can't wait to see what each of my sisters become in their lives. I love them so much. Syd and Dani are so different, yet so alike. They are smart girls. They are able to assess and understand situations way beyond what most kids their age could. They have experienced so much pain at such young ages, and yet they have risen above it and become stronger through it. I know they have yearned to be heard for so long.
You won't hear any of this from my dad's followers, because they don't know these amazing girls. They don't know that Sydney has a phobia of cold feet, and they don't know that Dani used to hate any food that was green. They don't know that Sydney wants to be an engineer, and Dani secretly wants to be an actress.
Dad's supporters don't know the hours I've spent trying to calm Sydney as she sobbed from the pain my dad caused her from feeding her gluten and emotionally shredding her through endless abusive lectures, all the while trying to hold back my own tears as I tell her that, "One day this will be over," even though I didn't see a way it would end. They don't know the years I watched Dani fight to hold in all the pain to appear strong, yet collapsing on the inside until she began falling into depression (which she had to keep from our dad who demanded we appear happy at all times).
Dad's supporters don't know how many tears my sisters have shed alone, because
Syd is the second oldest to myself. She has a remarkable ability to round up people around her. She has a sense of genius sarcasm, and uses it in such a way that never offends her peers, but brings them together in many hours of fun and laughter. Syd also has a gentle, caring side to her which she uses to bring the spirit of peace into the lives of those she associates with. She has a marvelous poetic gift, and expresses herself through writing when she can. She has a high sense of fashion. She is absolutely gorgeous naturally, and I believe it is because you can see straight through to her stunning inner beauty as well as outer. Sydney has an exceptionally strong testimony. She may outwardly seem shy to some, but she is fierce in defending what is right. She has an innate sense of wisdom for her age--she has always seen a deeper side to life. She has always been great at making close friends that last, and she chooses those select people carefully.
Dani is the younger sister of the two. I can't believe how fast she is growing up. Dani's developed into a fine young lady, with amazing homemaking skills. She's better than me in the kitchen... and I've just learned to accept that! Even at her young age, I can see wonderful hints of what an outstanding mother she will be. She is also the family 'techy.' If Syd or I don't know how to work a new item, we'll call for Dani. Dani possesses this amazing ability to love all mankind. She's not naive: she exercises her love with caution. But she could fill all of the Pacific Ocean with her tender care. She loves people, as I do, and I could see her becoming a great many things in adulthood. Dani possesses a kind soul unlike any other, and she is constantly looking for ways to serve others, even within the walls of her own home. She has a gift for making many friends wherever she goes.
All of my sisters have a great sense of humor (that I just didn't seem to inherit) and outstanding artistic abilities. I'm so pleased that we all share the love of art together: it's a similar interest that binds us. They/we also love music and have all been blessed to have had a mother who was able to teach us piano when we were young. I can't wait to see what each of my sisters become in their lives. I love them so much. Syd and Dani are so different, yet so alike. They are smart girls. They are able to assess and understand situations way beyond what most kids their age could. They have experienced so much pain at such young ages, and yet they have risen above it and become stronger through it. I know they have yearned to be heard for so long.
You won't hear any of this from my dad's followers, because they don't know these amazing girls. They don't know that Sydney has a phobia of cold feet, and they don't know that Dani used to hate any food that was green. They don't know that Sydney wants to be an engineer, and Dani secretly wants to be an actress.
Dad's supporters don't know the hours I've spent trying to calm Sydney as she sobbed from the pain my dad caused her from feeding her gluten and emotionally shredding her through endless abusive lectures, all the while trying to hold back my own tears as I tell her that, "One day this will be over," even though I didn't see a way it would end. They don't know the years I watched Dani fight to hold in all the pain to appear strong, yet collapsing on the inside until she began falling into depression (which she had to keep from our dad who demanded we appear happy at all times).
Dad's supporters don't know how many tears my sisters have shed alone, because
December 23, 2014
Response to Anonymous Comment
I saw this comment in moderation a couple days ago. So many thoughts flooded my mind as I read, and I knew I needed to respond to it. Anonymous stated:
Dear Anonymous,
You misjudge the extent to which I have forgiven him.
Forgiving and trusting are very different things. If someone were to repeatedly ask you to borrow a very valuable, sentimental object of yours, and you let them, and they broke it every time, at what point would you set a boundary and not let them borrow it anymore? This has been a little what trying to have a relationship with my father has been like.
How can I fully trust him when he will not even accept accountability for his actions to me and other children? I lived in his home for three years, and all he ever did was accuse others for his actions. He never took full accountability for anything, especially not for his abuse of my mom, Angie, or any of these other sexually inappropriate actions with children.
I can forgive my dad to the fullest extent that I can, but I don't have to trust him. I can still be careful around him to protect myself. Forgiving someone does not mean accepting abusive actions toward myself or others going forward. Forgiving someone does not mean being naive to the possibility of him behaving the same way I've seen him behave for the past 19 years.
Are you saying that you also talk to your children often about sex and pornography, and place your youngest kid in the position of the child being sexually assaulted by the adult, which you refer to as yourself?? I sincerely hope not.
OF COURSE there are 'talks' every parent dreads having with their children, that need to happen at a child's appropriate age. What my dad did was not normal parent talks. And he often did them without another adult present. I think you need to re-read the instances of what I have referred to as, 'inappropriate sexual conduct.' (Not physical sexual abuse, as I believe you meant. Though I DO consider all hundreds of these instances of inappropriate sexual conduct my dad engaged in with us to be sexual abuse when considered all together, because of the extreme trauma and sexual discomfort it caused us.)
Then again, if you're convinced I'm coached, there is absolutely no point in even responding to you.
I hope that you're watching everything occurring with both eyes open. Please realize that although the courts claimed my mother to have coached us, most of the officials--officials who were trying to assess our situation so the court could have enough information to rule properly--never met with me. And realize that if you are calling me 'coached,' and you are wrong (which you are, but I will give you the benefit of the doubt), what you are actually doing is placing shame upon me for anything I say, as well as making an excuse for my abuser. I can't even describe to you the pain people are causing me by calling me 'coached.'
I have a voice. I am a human, not a pawn. I have memories. So many memories of trauma I lived through at the hands of my father. And I am choosing to share those memories. Because I would hate the consequences of holding anything back. Silence only enables abuse. I understand and empathize with those who don't want to find out my father has done such horrible things to children, but he has.
By the way, who has had primary custody of my sisters for the past four years? My dad. My sisters were isolated, monitored, and controlled so severely that they couldn't possibly have been brainwashed against him in the limited time they got with Mom. How could she have maintained her so-called "brainwashing" during her 15-minutes-or-less phone calls with my dad standing next to them the whole time? The idea is nonsensical. Those who call us coached are doing so out of such ignorance.
I appreciate this opportunity to thoroughly explain my position on forgiveness in this particularly complicated instance. I appreciate your thoughts and considerations. I realize that nobody who hasn't lived behind closed doors with Brian Wolferts can possibly understand the pain my sisters and I have endured. Nor can you fully understand the pain of re-living all these experiences. I forgive you for being blind to that, and I thank you for giving me the chance to hear your concerns and respond with my truth. Feel free to comment on my blog with any other legitimate concerns and/or questions.
Dear Anonymous,
You misjudge the extent to which I have forgiven him.
Forgiving and trusting are very different things. If someone were to repeatedly ask you to borrow a very valuable, sentimental object of yours, and you let them, and they broke it every time, at what point would you set a boundary and not let them borrow it anymore? This has been a little what trying to have a relationship with my father has been like.
How can I fully trust him when he will not even accept accountability for his actions to me and other children? I lived in his home for three years, and all he ever did was accuse others for his actions. He never took full accountability for anything, especially not for his abuse of my mom, Angie, or any of these other sexually inappropriate actions with children.
I can forgive my dad to the fullest extent that I can, but I don't have to trust him. I can still be careful around him to protect myself. Forgiving someone does not mean accepting abusive actions toward myself or others going forward. Forgiving someone does not mean being naive to the possibility of him behaving the same way I've seen him behave for the past 19 years.
Are you saying that you also talk to your children often about sex and pornography, and place your youngest kid in the position of the child being sexually assaulted by the adult, which you refer to as yourself?? I sincerely hope not.
OF COURSE there are 'talks' every parent dreads having with their children, that need to happen at a child's appropriate age. What my dad did was not normal parent talks. And he often did them without another adult present. I think you need to re-read the instances of what I have referred to as, 'inappropriate sexual conduct.' (Not physical sexual abuse, as I believe you meant. Though I DO consider all hundreds of these instances of inappropriate sexual conduct my dad engaged in with us to be sexual abuse when considered all together, because of the extreme trauma and sexual discomfort it caused us.)
Then again, if you're convinced I'm coached, there is absolutely no point in even responding to you.
I hope that you're watching everything occurring with both eyes open. Please realize that although the courts claimed my mother to have coached us, most of the officials--officials who were trying to assess our situation so the court could have enough information to rule properly--never met with me. And realize that if you are calling me 'coached,' and you are wrong (which you are, but I will give you the benefit of the doubt), what you are actually doing is placing shame upon me for anything I say, as well as making an excuse for my abuser. I can't even describe to you the pain people are causing me by calling me 'coached.'
I have a voice. I am a human, not a pawn. I have memories. So many memories of trauma I lived through at the hands of my father. And I am choosing to share those memories. Because I would hate the consequences of holding anything back. Silence only enables abuse. I understand and empathize with those who don't want to find out my father has done such horrible things to children, but he has.
By the way, who has had primary custody of my sisters for the past four years? My dad. My sisters were isolated, monitored, and controlled so severely that they couldn't possibly have been brainwashed against him in the limited time they got with Mom. How could she have maintained her so-called "brainwashing" during her 15-minutes-or-less phone calls with my dad standing next to them the whole time? The idea is nonsensical. Those who call us coached are doing so out of such ignorance.
I appreciate this opportunity to thoroughly explain my position on forgiveness in this particularly complicated instance. I appreciate your thoughts and considerations. I realize that nobody who hasn't lived behind closed doors with Brian Wolferts can possibly understand the pain my sisters and I have endured. Nor can you fully understand the pain of re-living all these experiences. I forgive you for being blind to that, and I thank you for giving me the chance to hear your concerns and respond with my truth. Feel free to comment on my blog with any other legitimate concerns and/or questions.
December 20, 2014
Custody Evaluator's Report Part II
A continuation of the first custody evaluator post.
According to the report, the custody evaluator, Dr. Blakelock, spoke on the phone with Dr. Dettenmeier, who had evaluated my mom almost three years before in April 2007. She told him that Mom had "coached the children in her efforts to alienate them from their father." She further stated that "Michelle lacked positivity and was 'vehement' towards Brian." Blakelock wrote, "Michelle's parental interference escalated beyond her immediate family as she negatively influenced extended family, friends, counselors, neighbors, spiritual leaders, etc. by sharing with these individuals Brian's therapy progress notes, Dr. Roby's complete psychosexual assessment report . . . ."
Despite Dr. Dettenmeier's conclusion that my mom had coached us, my Mom still was granted primary custody of us at that time. She was our primary custodial parent from 2004 until 2011. It was this report by Blakelock that resulted in my dad getting custody.
Basically, Dr. Blakelock found my dad to be less abusive than my mom, despite her "coaching" stemming from her legitimate NEED to warn us to be careful around our dad who admits to multiple instances of sexual behavior toward children. Yet I had NO knowledge of any of these details until I found this report this week. All my mom ever wanted was for my dad to get the help he desperately needs for his severe problems, and to keep us protected from his impulses that have put children at risk.
So, my dad entered into sex offender treatment voluntarily, and did it for 18 months. Yet these three men "questioned the appropriateness of his treatment":
1. Dr. Ririe (psychosexual therapist who was hand-picked by special master Sandra Dredge to be Dad's therapist after she lied and said that Dr. Roby no longer wished to be my dad's therapist, which he refuted in an affidavit, btw);
2. Dr. Jay Jensen (who owns and runs ACAFS, the company who gets assigned by the special master to be the go-between between parties in acrimonious divorces, and who also conducted conjoint therapy for the Wolferts family);
3. Dr. Blakelock (custody evaluator).
Blakelock found my dad's 2005 abuse finding by DCFS to be inconsequential. My dad's multiple admissions of sexual behavior toward young children didn't seem to matter at all to Dr. Blakelock.
My sisters and I have been betrayed by the officials who were supposed to protect us.
A personal note to all those mothers out there who are fiercely defending my dad and seeking that my mom be prosecuted to "the full extent of the law" for protecting my sisters in hiding: if your children had been spending every other weekend with a father who had engaged in multiple instances of sexual behavior toward children in the past, and admitted to it well into his adulthood with children of his own at home, of course you would seek to get supervised visitation for him in order to protect your young daughters! Of course you would seek to warn them to be careful about not being alone with him, especially if the courts let your request for supervised visits drag on for over two years. Of course you would seek to protect them after the courts failed to listen to their accounts of abuse at his hands over the last FOUR YEARS of living with him primarily.
According to the report, the custody evaluator, Dr. Blakelock, spoke on the phone with Dr. Dettenmeier, who had evaluated my mom almost three years before in April 2007. She told him that Mom had "coached the children in her efforts to alienate them from their father." She further stated that "Michelle lacked positivity and was 'vehement' towards Brian." Blakelock wrote, "Michelle's parental interference escalated beyond her immediate family as she negatively influenced extended family, friends, counselors, neighbors, spiritual leaders, etc. by sharing with these individuals Brian's therapy progress notes, Dr. Roby's complete psychosexual assessment report . . . ."
Despite Dr. Dettenmeier's conclusion that my mom had coached us, my Mom still was granted primary custody of us at that time. She was our primary custodial parent from 2004 until 2011. It was this report by Blakelock that resulted in my dad getting custody.
Basically, Dr. Blakelock found my dad to be less abusive than my mom, despite her "coaching" stemming from her legitimate NEED to warn us to be careful around our dad who admits to multiple instances of sexual behavior toward children. Yet I had NO knowledge of any of these details until I found this report this week. All my mom ever wanted was for my dad to get the help he desperately needs for his severe problems, and to keep us protected from his impulses that have put children at risk.
So, my dad entered into sex offender treatment voluntarily, and did it for 18 months. Yet these three men "questioned the appropriateness of his treatment":
1. Dr. Ririe (psychosexual therapist who was hand-picked by special master Sandra Dredge to be Dad's therapist after she lied and said that Dr. Roby no longer wished to be my dad's therapist, which he refuted in an affidavit, btw);
2. Dr. Jay Jensen (who owns and runs ACAFS, the company who gets assigned by the special master to be the go-between between parties in acrimonious divorces, and who also conducted conjoint therapy for the Wolferts family);
3. Dr. Blakelock (custody evaluator).
Blakelock found my dad's 2005 abuse finding by DCFS to be inconsequential. My dad's multiple admissions of sexual behavior toward young children didn't seem to matter at all to Dr. Blakelock.
My sisters and I have been betrayed by the officials who were supposed to protect us.
A personal note to all those mothers out there who are fiercely defending my dad and seeking that my mom be prosecuted to "the full extent of the law" for protecting my sisters in hiding: if your children had been spending every other weekend with a father who had engaged in multiple instances of sexual behavior toward children in the past, and admitted to it well into his adulthood with children of his own at home, of course you would seek to get supervised visitation for him in order to protect your young daughters! Of course you would seek to warn them to be careful about not being alone with him, especially if the courts let your request for supervised visits drag on for over two years. Of course you would seek to protect them after the courts failed to listen to their accounts of abuse at his hands over the last FOUR YEARS of living with him primarily.
I do not believe that any mother who loved her children would not be protective of them under the said circumstances. My mom was being preventative and warned us to be careful of anyone tried to invade our safety zone and touch us. Despite all these things she knew my dad had done--again, things that I never knew until very recently--and despite the way my dad treated us, she always encouraged us to see the good in him. That is a fact. I am a witness to it, and I know Syd and Dani will testify of the same fact when they are back, because we all lived through it.
December 19, 2014
Custody Evaluator's Report
This is the document from my parents' divorce, that my dad apparently doesn't want you to see, even though it's the document that gave my dad custody of us. It's the document that shows WHY my mom was found to have "coached" us. I had not seen this document, nor had I heard of this document or the revelations about my dad, until this past week when I discovered it. Reading it makes me feel like I'm going to be sick.
The above screen shot from the report states: "Brian's infidelity and questions regarding any risk he might pose to his three daughters were major concerns of Michelle. These concerns led to a brief attempt at marriage counseling through LDS Social Services, individual and conjoint therapy with psychologist Dr. Sheffield from March 2004 through July 17, 2004, and extended individual and conjoint therapy with Dr. Hyde. Dr. Hyde, who was providing couples counseling referred Brian to Dr. C.Y. Roby for a phsychosexual assessment and eventually referral [sic] to Dr. Roby for treatment of his inappropriate sexual behavior. Brian entered into sex offender treatment with Dr. Roby and a therapist by the name of Cox. Dr. Ririe, Dr. Jensen, and this evaluator questioned the appropriateness of this treatment, which was designed to treat sex offenders though Brian voluntarily participated in this treatment for approximately 18 months." (emphasis added)
Dr. Blakelock also stated the following:
"In taking his second polygraph, Brian admits to a history of sexual contact with a child during his adolescence for which he was neither investigated nor charged with a crime."
"Brian also admits that at the age of 23 he exposed himself to two young girls as he exited a shower, and that 'years later' he masturbated to thoughts of the older girl (11 or 12 at the time of the incident) by placing her in the position of the younger girl (6 or 7 at the time of the incident)."
Despite all this, Dr. Blakelock favored my dad even though the ethical guidelines he quoted clearly indicate that he shouldn't have! Instead, Dr. Blakelock excused my father's behavior and justified his decision to send three innocent young girls to live in my father's house full-time, with unsupervised visits.
Blakelock stated his "opinion is that Brian poses little or no threat to sexually assault his daughters" because of:
a) the significant length of the time since Brian's sexual contact with a child;
b) Brian's demonstrated control over any deviant arousal he may have experienced;
c) the fact that other responsible adults have been informed of his sexual history; and
d) that his daughters are of such an age where they are fully capable of reporting any inappropriate sexual behaviors on the part of Brian should they occur.
Dr. Blakelock also stated the following:
"In taking his second polygraph, Brian admits to a history of sexual contact with a child during his adolescence for which he was neither investigated nor charged with a crime."
"Brian also admits that at the age of 23 he exposed himself to two young girls as he exited a shower, and that 'years later' he masturbated to thoughts of the older girl (11 or 12 at the time of the incident) by placing her in the position of the younger girl (6 or 7 at the time of the incident)."
Despite all this, Dr. Blakelock favored my dad even though the ethical guidelines he quoted clearly indicate that he shouldn't have! Instead, Dr. Blakelock excused my father's behavior and justified his decision to send three innocent young girls to live in my father's house full-time, with unsupervised visits.
Blakelock stated his "opinion is that Brian poses little or no threat to sexually assault his daughters" because of:
a) the significant length of the time since Brian's sexual contact with a child;
b) Brian's demonstrated control over any deviant arousal he may have experienced;
c) the fact that other responsible adults have been informed of his sexual history; and
d) that his daughters are of such an age where they are fully capable of reporting any inappropriate sexual behaviors on the part of Brian should they occur.
December 17, 2014
Direct Message To My Dad
I have provided much documentation to supporters (both mine and yours) to back up my statements and give as accurate a picture as I possibly can of what we are going through and what happened in the past to get us to this point. I've seen countless people use the fact Mom lost custody to support you. It seems to me that all they've seen from you is the published Appellate Court decision that can be found online.
I ask you to provide us all with the Child Custody Settlement Conference Report from 2010 that was used to determine that Mom coached us and that you should be awarded custody. It is time to see exactly what it is that Mom coached us about that was so egregious to lose custody.
You've led your supporters to believe Mom is capable of brainwashing us, and you have influenced so many of your followers to want her prosecuted for possibly hiding with Syd and Dani and "emotionally abusing" them.
If you are in the right, you should have no reason to fear immediately producing that document for the public to see.
Thank you.
Brittany
December 16, 2014
Another Response To A Tweet
People who don't know my mom call her crazy. People who DO know my mom call her just the opposite. Everyone who knows my mom calls her loving, kind, rational, smart, and supportive. Multiple therapists have examined her and found her to not be crazy, and to be mentally sound. My sisters were examined in June before they were forced to run away, and the psychologist Dr. Hyde currently attests that it would be harmful to my sisters to be removed from our mother's custody. All three of us know that our mother is not abusive.
People who don't know my father call him loving and kind. People who live with him behind closed doors, under his authority, know that he is not. All three of his daughters who are old enough to articulate detailed accounts of his abuse agree that our father is abusive. He is consistently abusive. He is chronically abusive. He seems to be unwilling to change how abusive he is, despite his admitted years of investigations into his abuse.
December 15, 2014
A Great Blog Post
The following is a great blog post at the Equality Time blog that addresses a comment made this week by my dad's ardent supporter, Aaron Allred. Aaron is the founder and trustee of my dad's trust fund set up to help him fight me and my sisters in court where we seek protection from his abuse. His comment was incorporated into the blog Aaron created this week to support my father even further, by filling that blog with multiple allegations that I am a kidnapper and a liar, and that my supporters are as well.
Having never spoken to Aaron Allred, or heard any comments or questions from him directly about my situation, I am not sure how he feels he can come forward with such statements that are misinformed and completely false.
Having never spoken to Aaron Allred, or heard any comments or questions from him directly about my situation, I am not sure how he feels he can come forward with such statements that are misinformed and completely false.
December 14, 2014
Response To A Tweet
Mom lost custody of us four years ago. I think it's pretty lame to continue to try to paint this urgent situation as a mom losing custody and suddenly taking off with her children. If my mom had wanted to take the girls and run, she would have done so six years ago when she first sought to protect my sisters after we complained about his abuse, and after she had found the Roby Report which revealed my dad's psychosexual therapist recommended supervised visitation was safest for my sisters and me. It was obvious my mom wasn't trying to remove my dad's rights, because she always encouraged a SAFE relationship with our father from the moment she discovered (too late) that her children may be at risk without supervised visits with our dad.
Shame on all those who keep suggesting that my mom has kidnapped my sisters. My sisters were not kidnapped. They ran away, only after their safety was removed when the court dropped their temporary restraining order and delayed their day in court. The restraining order and a court date to determine a safer place to live were the only protections that stood between my sisters and our father, whom they had just accused of abuse.
If my mom is with my sisters, I know that it is because she legally has the right, and morally has the obligation, to protect her children from known abuse. I know that my father is abusive. My sisters and mother know that he is abusive. Our family therapist who knows Dad knows that he is abusive. Now we need the court to give us the chance to say why, officially, in court.
December 10, 2014
Thank You For Commenting!
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| photo credit: www.hallmark.com |
I want to thank everyone for taking the time to offer words of support and encouragement to me and my sisters throughout the pages and posts of my blog. I feel that keeping the ability to comment anonymously helps people to open up to me--sometimes about their own experiences with abuse which I know are hard to share. Anonymity helps people who feel unsafe to feel safe enough to post comments. (To those who question why anyone would feel unsafe: there have been people followed, hacked, threatened with physical harm, threatened with prosecution and imprisonment for things they did not do, and supporters have been bullied and ridiculed extensively). To those of you brave enough to stick by my side despite such threatening behavior by my dad's supporters, I hope you are blessed for your kindness. Your loving support means the world to me as I navigate trying to help my sisters be heard.
An occasional comment will be held in moderation until I can copy it to its own post. So if you have posted a good comment and are confused why it hasn't appeared yet, please be patient! I will address you if and when I find the time and energy to draft a thoughtful post about your concerns.
To those few persons who have not seen your comment get posted, I want to let you know that your comment will not be posted if it contains words that minimize the abuse my sisters and I have experienced. I also refuse to post comments that minimize the abuse my stepmom or mom have experienced while being married to my father. I have zero interest in promoting in any way anyone's sly effort to shame the victims of my father, Brian, with attempts to make us doubt our memory or experience. I suspect that a person must be pretty far gone already to read about how my dad has treated Angie, Abby, my mom, Sydney, Danielle, and me and not see it for the blatant abuse and unrighteous dominion that it clearly is.
Please continue to share your thoughts and questions in comments to this blog. It not only helps encourage new ideas for posts--it also shows support to Sydney and Dani during this holiday season.
Love to you all,
Brittany Wolferts
Brian Wolferts
The following is documented on my Timeline tab. It is a compilation of experiences as told to me by Sydney and Dani, as well as my own words regarding our dad, Brian Wolferts:
As small children he would violently shake, shove, slap, throw, wrench our skin, pull our hair, jamb his elbow in to our abdomen and knock our heads with knuckles or thumb and forefinger, etc.
He often picks up my youngest sister Abby (who is 3 now) in a very unusual way by gripping his hands around her upper thighs and carrying her by her upper thighs in to her room, where he locks the door against anyone else entering.
We have seen him physically hurt her, and have seen many bruises on her upper thighs. We have been too afraid to take pictures because he always checks our phone and obsessively controls us in order to find out about every single thing we do or say.
When he takes her screaming into the room, locks the door, and prevents her mother and everyone else from entering, we have overheard a pattern of her going from 5 to 10 minutes of intense screaming to, about 15 seconds or more of abrupt silence, screaming again then silence, which is followed by a long period of crying. We have often wondered if it is possible for her to be dead during her sudden total silence after screaming only because we can’t think of anything that would cause her sudden silence. This has happened approximately 2 to 3 times a week beginning from around the time she was 1 and 1 1/2 years old, which would make it over 200 times.
He has slapped been verbally abusive and constantly been extremely cruel to our stepmom in front of us on a weekly basis, constantly making her cry.
During the approximate three months that he started constantly telling us in-depth details about Josh Powell he would obsessively describe disturbing details about the way Josh Powell’s mind worked, tell us in great detail about how Josh Powell thought, and give us many painstaking details about all the various kinds of tactics Josh Powell used. This was extremely uncomfortable for us because he was near precisely describing himself and the ways that he acted and thought.
He often performs an abusive or negative act, immediately claims that others have performed his acts, then pretends that he is being grievously victimized by those very people he has acted upon. He has convinced many people through this pretend victim acting.
He has brought up leaving the U S., and we are sure he is planning another move in the same way that he secretly planned to move us quickly away from Utah.
My dad's abuse has caused my sisters and I to experience physical damage through various illnesses and symptoms of prolonged emotional distress through: varying degrees of shock, nauseas, severe headaches, bed wetting, nightmares, Celiac’s Disease symptoms, flashbacks, and overwhelming desire for our lives to end—at times with an imminent threat of complete emotional breakdown.
December 8, 2014
Obsessive Control: Monitoring Movements
I want to talk some more about what it feels like to live under the extreme and obsessive control of someone who uses isolation, triangulation, anger, fear and punishment to control everyone in his house. There is a really soul-crushing way that my dad exerts his obsessive control and dominion: he monitors everything. It's like living life on eggshells where any normal thing could set off my dad and cause his violent temper to erupt.
My dad (Brian Wolferts) always obsessively monitored all communication with our mom. We had to ask his permission to call our mom, even if it was just to tell her how our day went, and most times he would tell us there was no reason we needed to contact her so we weren't allowed to. When we did call her, we had to be in the same room with him at all times so he was within earshot of every word.
After my dad moved the girls to Kansas (I had moved out six months previous), he continued to obsessively monitor all calls and Skype (video) calls between them and me/our mom. He limited their calls to 15-20 minutes once a week, and demanded such calls only happen using his cell phone when he was in the room to monitor what we said. Often he would manufacture reasons to cut their calls short, as he had always done even before the move. Sydney and Dani told me they could never express how they truly felt because he would punish them for almost anything they said.
CLICK "READ MORE" TO SEE MORE OF MY POST:
My dad (Brian Wolferts) always obsessively monitored all communication with our mom. We had to ask his permission to call our mom, even if it was just to tell her how our day went, and most times he would tell us there was no reason we needed to contact her so we weren't allowed to. When we did call her, we had to be in the same room with him at all times so he was within earshot of every word.
After my dad moved the girls to Kansas (I had moved out six months previous), he continued to obsessively monitor all calls and Skype (video) calls between them and me/our mom. He limited their calls to 15-20 minutes once a week, and demanded such calls only happen using his cell phone when he was in the room to monitor what we said. Often he would manufacture reasons to cut their calls short, as he had always done even before the move. Sydney and Dani told me they could never express how they truly felt because he would punish them for almost anything they said.
CLICK "READ MORE" TO SEE MORE OF MY POST:
December 1, 2014
Not Teenage Whim
I have felt the need for some time to address multiple comments I've seen (the majority on my dad's Facebook pages) that suggest that my sisters are simply teenagers who "just want to live with our mom" and who should basically suck it up and just come to terms with living in Kansas. This is so offensive to me, and dangerously ignorant to suggest such a thing. I'm sure it's even more offensive to Sydney and Dani, who have literally put their lives in danger by speaking out.
Who are these people? Why would they want anyone to go to a place they know is harmful? I've seen some comments describing this as "willful denial" and that's a perfect description of these comments. I would like to give a message to those who are posting against my sisters who have a knowledge of the abuse: You are supporting the abuse of these innocent girls. You are fighting to return them to my father, who is the cause of their abuse, and who will certainly abuse them further.
I can tell that many of my father's supporters do not know what it feels like to live under the extreme and obsessive control of someone who uses isolation, triangulation, physical violence, anger, fear tactics, and punishment to control everyone in his house. I have spent 19 years in constant fear and anxiety about what he might do to me, my sisters, my mom, and my stepmom. Just because I'm out of the house doesn't mean I can forget about my family members that are still having to deal with that on a daily basis.
I have presented multiple forms of evidence that my dad is abusive, and yet many refuse to believe it and seem anxious to silence me and my sisters. Many vocally discount my words and the words of my sisters, on behalf of my abuser. It really shocks me when I see it.
I cannot be more clear about this truth. Our mother is not our abuser. Many of you who have posted against my sisters have convinced yourselves and others that you are actually fighting to protect my sisters from my mother. The truth is here: she has not brainwashed us to hate our dad. My dad's abuse hasn't even caused us to hate him. But it has caused us to run from his abuse. We are not lying about this. This is not a game of hide-and-seek being played. This is not an issue of teenage whim. This is a scary, possibly life-threatening situation where our abuser is relentlessly trying to find my sisters and get them returned to him before they can speak up in court.
I know that it is absolutely 100% NOT SAFE for Sydney and Dani to go back there now that they have exposed him after years of living in the shadow of fear he cast on us. Certainly Sydney and Dani themselves know it's not safe, or else they'd be here now. No child deserves anything less than a safe home. It is clear, based on his actions since my sisters ran away, that my dad is desperate to silence my sisters and me.
Please help us.
Who are these people? Why would they want anyone to go to a place they know is harmful? I've seen some comments describing this as "willful denial" and that's a perfect description of these comments. I would like to give a message to those who are posting against my sisters who have a knowledge of the abuse: You are supporting the abuse of these innocent girls. You are fighting to return them to my father, who is the cause of their abuse, and who will certainly abuse them further.
I can tell that many of my father's supporters do not know what it feels like to live under the extreme and obsessive control of someone who uses isolation, triangulation, physical violence, anger, fear tactics, and punishment to control everyone in his house. I have spent 19 years in constant fear and anxiety about what he might do to me, my sisters, my mom, and my stepmom. Just because I'm out of the house doesn't mean I can forget about my family members that are still having to deal with that on a daily basis.
I have presented multiple forms of evidence that my dad is abusive, and yet many refuse to believe it and seem anxious to silence me and my sisters. Many vocally discount my words and the words of my sisters, on behalf of my abuser. It really shocks me when I see it.
My sisters and I have been abused over the entire course of our lives.
Our abuser is our father.
I cannot be more clear about this truth. Our mother is not our abuser. Many of you who have posted against my sisters have convinced yourselves and others that you are actually fighting to protect my sisters from my mother. The truth is here: she has not brainwashed us to hate our dad. My dad's abuse hasn't even caused us to hate him. But it has caused us to run from his abuse. We are not lying about this. This is not a game of hide-and-seek being played. This is not an issue of teenage whim. This is a scary, possibly life-threatening situation where our abuser is relentlessly trying to find my sisters and get them returned to him before they can speak up in court.
I know that it is absolutely 100% NOT SAFE for Sydney and Dani to go back there now that they have exposed him after years of living in the shadow of fear he cast on us. Certainly Sydney and Dani themselves know it's not safe, or else they'd be here now. No child deserves anything less than a safe home. It is clear, based on his actions since my sisters ran away, that my dad is desperate to silence my sisters and me.
Please help us.
November 23, 2014
New Q&A Page!
I just added a new Q&A Page to the blog (found in the row of tabs across the top of my blog). It contains a few of the questions and concerns I've seen posted by many of you across various Facebook pages. Please feel free to ask me any further questions in the comments here or on my page, and I will be happy to answer.
As always, I appreciate your concern on behalf of me and my family. I look forward to finding a resolution to my sisters' safety.
Thanks,
Brittany
As always, I appreciate your concern on behalf of me and my family. I look forward to finding a resolution to my sisters' safety.
Thanks,
Brittany
November 19, 2014
Moving to Kansas
I know there are a lot of people with very valid questions about what happened this July. This is the post to answer any questions that haven't been addressed directly about what's occurred recently in Sydney and Dani's lives.
About this time last year, my dad and stepmother resided in Pleasant Grove, Utah. Over Dani's birthday weekend (her birthday is October 29th), my dad made a life-altering announcement to Sydney and Danielle. During their next weekend visit to our mom in Orem, it was obvious they were holding something in. They were depressed; they looked sickly, worried, and terrified. My mom and I would ask them what was wrong, and all they would do is look at us with a deep sadness and reply, "He said we couldn't tell you. I want to tell you because its my worst nightmare, but we would get in so much trouble. I don't know if I could handle it."
I went to a family dinner one evening a few weeks later with his side of the family. Even though I had no clue what was going on, I sensed something wasn't right from the moment I walked in the doors of the restaurant. It felt like there was an 'elephant in the room'; no one kept eye contact with me very long and it felt like something was being repressed. Everyone was very solemn. Despite the brightly colored walls, the entire room had a claustrophobic and eerie feel.
As soon as my dad greeted me, he locked his eyes on me, and didn't let me leave his sight as I continued to greet everyone else. When I saw Sydney and Dani, I was so excited to see my sisters. I practically ran up to them, only to have my dad come near us. It was obvious he didn't want us talking outside of his earshot. I was used to this--it was the way we were treated in our home, before I moved out--But it didn't make it okay. Even with the limited contact I had with them, I could tell something was wrong. Dani and Sydney looked sick and hopeless. Their faces were sunken and their eyes were glassy, as if they'd been crying minutes before.
I was extremely worried for them, and whatever information they were being forced to keep secret. I wanted to sit by them (they were at a table with cousins), but my dad wouldn't let me. He took me to my designated seat, and of course it was on the opposite side of the room from them, at the far table's end seat. He sat across from me, and his reasoning was because he had something to tell me.
I was on edge; terrified of some looming announcement that had been tormenting my sweet sisters for weeks. My dad kept prepping me with statements like, "Brittany, you're going to have to have an open mind. It's a big change for our family, but it's a good one." I had no idea what it could be. I was hopeful Angie was going to announce she was pregnant again, but based off of the way my sisters acted, I knew that wasn't it.
At some point, I knew I would have to break away and find a chance to talk to Sydney and Dani out of earshot of my father (if he was able to hear our conversation, I knew they would repress how they really felt). Somehow, I made it quickly to the other side of the room while my dad was talking to someone else. His eyes shifted to me, but he wasn't able to reach me before I quickly asked the girls what was going on. They were on the verge of tears as they expressed that they felt they were about to explode from grief. "We can't tell you exactly," Dani said, "But it's about a move." My insides dropped. That was when a cousin, who hadn't been listening to our conversation and obviously thought my dad had already told me, accidentally slipped up: "Brittany, what do you think about your dad moving to Kansas?"
I was absolutely shocked. Speechless, I moved my gaze back to my sisters, as a tear ran down one of their cheeks. The cousin realized that I hadn't been told yet, and apologized... Before Syd and Dani were able to say another word, my dad walked over. "What are you girls whispering about?" The girls said it was just something about school, and he looked at us suspiciously, and I sat in painful agony for those girls.
About this time last year, my dad and stepmother resided in Pleasant Grove, Utah. Over Dani's birthday weekend (her birthday is October 29th), my dad made a life-altering announcement to Sydney and Danielle. During their next weekend visit to our mom in Orem, it was obvious they were holding something in. They were depressed; they looked sickly, worried, and terrified. My mom and I would ask them what was wrong, and all they would do is look at us with a deep sadness and reply, "He said we couldn't tell you. I want to tell you because its my worst nightmare, but we would get in so much trouble. I don't know if I could handle it."
I went to a family dinner one evening a few weeks later with his side of the family. Even though I had no clue what was going on, I sensed something wasn't right from the moment I walked in the doors of the restaurant. It felt like there was an 'elephant in the room'; no one kept eye contact with me very long and it felt like something was being repressed. Everyone was very solemn. Despite the brightly colored walls, the entire room had a claustrophobic and eerie feel.
As soon as my dad greeted me, he locked his eyes on me, and didn't let me leave his sight as I continued to greet everyone else. When I saw Sydney and Dani, I was so excited to see my sisters. I practically ran up to them, only to have my dad come near us. It was obvious he didn't want us talking outside of his earshot. I was used to this--it was the way we were treated in our home, before I moved out--But it didn't make it okay. Even with the limited contact I had with them, I could tell something was wrong. Dani and Sydney looked sick and hopeless. Their faces were sunken and their eyes were glassy, as if they'd been crying minutes before.
I was extremely worried for them, and whatever information they were being forced to keep secret. I wanted to sit by them (they were at a table with cousins), but my dad wouldn't let me. He took me to my designated seat, and of course it was on the opposite side of the room from them, at the far table's end seat. He sat across from me, and his reasoning was because he had something to tell me.
I was on edge; terrified of some looming announcement that had been tormenting my sweet sisters for weeks. My dad kept prepping me with statements like, "Brittany, you're going to have to have an open mind. It's a big change for our family, but it's a good one." I had no idea what it could be. I was hopeful Angie was going to announce she was pregnant again, but based off of the way my sisters acted, I knew that wasn't it.
At some point, I knew I would have to break away and find a chance to talk to Sydney and Dani out of earshot of my father (if he was able to hear our conversation, I knew they would repress how they really felt). Somehow, I made it quickly to the other side of the room while my dad was talking to someone else. His eyes shifted to me, but he wasn't able to reach me before I quickly asked the girls what was going on. They were on the verge of tears as they expressed that they felt they were about to explode from grief. "We can't tell you exactly," Dani said, "But it's about a move." My insides dropped. That was when a cousin, who hadn't been listening to our conversation and obviously thought my dad had already told me, accidentally slipped up: "Brittany, what do you think about your dad moving to Kansas?"
I was absolutely shocked. Speechless, I moved my gaze back to my sisters, as a tear ran down one of their cheeks. The cousin realized that I hadn't been told yet, and apologized... Before Syd and Dani were able to say another word, my dad walked over. "What are you girls whispering about?" The girls said it was just something about school, and he looked at us suspiciously, and I sat in painful agony for those girls.
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