"Conflict Avoidant"

In a statement by Dr. Hyde in 2007, he spoke of testing he did on my mom (Michelle). He wrote,

"[o]ne of these tests, the MMPI-2, showed that she was conflict avoidant. I have found Michelle to be this way. She avoids conflict and contention."

My father (Brian) has always needed to have those closest to him--spouses and kids--be submissive to his control and abuse. When they try to assert their own will, he crushes them. I think that my father needs to be married to someone submissive in order to maintain the severe control he initiates, and afterward get away with the pain of the abuse he inflicts. 

Angie is conflict avoidant as well. Whenever I saw my mom or Angie try to exert a bit of autonomy or try to protect his children from the pain he inflicted, it led to huge fights and my dad would always, always increase his dominance and threatening behaviors until whoever stood up to him finally backed down. He does not tolerate push-back. My father is an abuser who demands absolute submission. 

Random Memory #12: Discussing Angie's Breasts

My dad (Brian Wolferts) discussed my stepmom's large breasts with all of us daughters. If this were to have happened just once, perhaps it could have been a very uncomfortable discussion that I could have tried to forget. But this happened multiple times, sometimes in front of Angie. These talks caused all three of us a huge amount of discomfort, agitation, and repulsion. 

One time he went on and on about her breasts in detail that I would definitely deem as "lurid" for over twenty minutes at the dinner table. I remember him talking about how much he loved to grab them and how it made their sex much more enjoyable. He seemed excited by our obvious discomfort and our disgust at the intimately detailed discussion. I was 16, Sydney was 12, and Dani was only 11. After that specific discussion, I remember how all three of us discussed that we felt disgusted by the way dad kept pressing images of them being sexual, no matter how many times we asked him to stop. He seemed to thoroughly enjoy watching our discomfort, and we recognized the look in his eyes well during those times.

I know I've repeated this over and over, but I still feel this way: writing out these Random Memories is not something I look forward to. It's a disturbing process to re-live all these experiences, but it's necessary for those coming across this case to see the full story. If you haven't done so, please read the 11 previous Random Memories.

Sydney's Sufferings

There were many other effects Sydney suffered from my dad's abuse to her (besides his physical abuse of forcing her to eat gluten even though she's celiac). She would have awful nightmares on the nights my dad would lecture her. She had major issues with sleep and could never sleep longer than a few hours without waking up.

My dad singled her out in other ways as the "favorite child" and seemed set on making her be like him. He would always tell us that Sydney was the closest to him out of the three of us. It made Sydney sick. She didn't want that connection suggested.

There were times when Sydney would come to me (only when Dad or Angie wasn't around, of course) with the most pained expression on her face. "I just can't handle this anymore, Brittany," she'd say, and I knew that she was severely tormented by him. I recognized in her manner that she was thinking of taking her life, because she behaved and talked just like I did when I felt like taking my own life during the worst moments of Dad's abuse. It scared me like nothing else. I was so upset at my dad for hurting my sweet sisters.

Although I was the oldest and most targeted (probably because of the imminent threat of my moving out and being out of my dad's obsessive control once I was an adult), Syd became the new oldest of the children at home. She told me that he worsened his attacks on her after I left. It killed me to see that happen, because all three of us speculated that it would.

Random Memory #2: Angie

I debated whether or not to include Angie in my descriptions of my dad's abuse tactics that we were all exposed to. But since the way he treated my stepmom was daily-occurring abuse that traumatized us all, I feel that I must. I hope that Angie understands my love and concern for her are what motivate my decision to post this. I know that she has been made to defend my dad during the public outcry that has come from the public scrutiny of our situation, and that she (or my dad using her Facebook account) has stated that I am "lying" about him and the abuse my baby sister endured. I cannot apologize for telling the truth, nor should I be made to. I completely understand her untenable position right now, and I fear for her safety more than ever, since I am certain my dad is raging about being exposed. She and Abby are the closest and easiest targets of his rage. It scares me so much for them. 

My dad treats Angie worst of all of us. Watching an adult in my home being physically, emotionally, and verbally abused has instilled intense insecurity, fear for her and for ourselves, and has caused me severe anxiety and distress that was constant during the time I lived with him. It was particularly difficult for me to see Angie being treated so poorly because it reminded me and kept fresh all of my trauma from watching him abuse and demean my mom while I was younger.

I have listed some of the many ways my dad publicly demeaned, controlled, and expressed anger toward Angie that my sisters and I have observed. I numbered them so that if anyone posts any questions about a specific item, they can refer to it in their comment:

1. Dad has slapped, been verbally abusive, and constantly been extremely cruel to our stepmom in front of us on a weekly basis, constantly making her cry.
2. He told Angie constantly that she doesn’t know what she’s doing as a parent like he does.
3. He told Angie that he knows how to raise Abby more than she ever will.
4. He lectured and berated Angie all the time for unusual things like setting her purse down the “wrong way.”
5. He never allowed Angie to take her purse or phone into public restrooms or other public places without him, like the time he wouldn’t let her take her purse and phone with her on the train at the zoo. He insisted she let him hold her purse or phone instead.
6. He would get mad at Angie if she didn’t back him up in his lectures, discipline, and in talking bad about our mom to us.