There were many other effects Sydney suffered from my dad's abuse to her (besides his physical abuse of forcing her to eat gluten even though she's celiac). She would have awful nightmares on the nights my dad would lecture her. She had major issues with sleep and could never sleep longer than a few hours without waking up.
My dad singled her out in other ways as the "favorite child" and seemed set on making her be like him. He would always tell us that Sydney was the closest to him out of the three of us. It made Sydney sick. She didn't want that connection suggested.
There were times when Sydney would come to me (only when Dad or Angie wasn't around, of course) with the most pained expression on her face. "I just can't handle this anymore, Brittany," she'd say, and I knew that she was severely tormented by him. I recognized in her manner that she was thinking of taking her life, because she behaved and talked just like I did when I felt like taking my own life during the worst moments of Dad's abuse. It scared me like nothing else. I was so upset at my dad for hurting my sweet sisters.
Although I was the oldest and most targeted (probably because of the imminent threat of my moving out and being out of my dad's obsessive control once I was an adult), Syd became the new oldest of the children at home. She told me that he worsened his attacks on her after I left. It killed me to see that happen, because all three of us speculated that it would.
I was my abusive dad's favorite child also. I have seven siblings, all of whom he was physically and emotionally abusive to our entire childhoods. But some of us got it way less than others. It was horrible to watch him beating the three he targeted most. It made sleep difficult and made us all wish to escape him as soon as possible. Some of my siblings have never quite gotten over it. Some have been in abusive relationships one after the other, because I believe that my dad crushed their self-worth down to believing that is all they deserve. Some have been self-medicating with alcohol so they don't have to remember their pain. Some have been depressed and suicidal at times, even in early childhood. I know the worry you speak of, Brittany, and am so glad your sisters were strong enough to run.
ReplyDeleteI've seen people ignorantly saying that your sisters are missing out on teen life while they hide from abuse. I say that teen life with an abusive father is a particular hell that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. It has lifelong consequences.
I'm so sorry for what you went through. :( The effects of abuse are devastating. Whether it's emotional, physical, sexual, etc.... It's so awful how one human being can destroy another. Especially when it's to their own children.
DeleteI couldn't agree more with your last comment. The comments I've seen about my sisters missing out on a "normal" teenager life are extremely ignorant. I feel that anyone who posts that has no experience with abuse.