My dad (Brian Wolferts) discussed my stepmom's large breasts with all of us daughters. If this were to have happened just once, perhaps it could have been a very uncomfortable discussion that I could have tried to forget. But this happened multiple times, sometimes in front of Angie. These talks caused all three of us a huge amount of discomfort, agitation, and repulsion.
One time he went on and on about her breasts in detail that I would definitely deem as "lurid" for over twenty minutes at the dinner table. I remember him talking about how much he loved to grab them and how it made their sex much more enjoyable. He seemed excited by our obvious discomfort and our disgust at the intimately detailed discussion. I was 16, Sydney was 12, and Dani was only 11. After that specific discussion, I remember how all three of us discussed that we felt disgusted by the way dad kept pressing images of them being sexual, no matter how many times we asked him to stop. He seemed to thoroughly enjoy watching our discomfort, and we recognized the look in his eyes well during those times.
I know I've repeated this over and over, but I still feel this way: writing out these Random Memories is not something I look forward to. It's a disturbing process to re-live all these experiences, but it's necessary for those coming across this case to see the full story. If you haven't done so, please read the 11 previous Random Memories.
Showing posts with label Lewd Discussions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lewd Discussions. Show all posts
February 16, 2015
January 26, 2015
January 16, 2015
Random Memory #11: Attracted to Cousin
One day when I was 17, my dad (Brian Wolferts) came into my bedroom.
"So... your cousin Gideon."
"Yeah?" I replied hesitantly. I couldn't imagine why Dad had suddenly come into my bedroom to randomly talk to me about my cousin from Washington who was two grades behind me in school.
"Are you excited to see him at your mom's family reunion?"
"Of course." I said. It was a no-brainer; I only saw him once a year at my Grandma's house when his family came to visit Utah. I was confused why my dad even asked.
"Of course." I said. It was a no-brainer; I only saw him once a year at my Grandma's house when his family came to visit Utah. I was confused why my dad even asked.
"Do you have a crush on Gideon?"
"What?!"
"Do you have a THING for him?"
"Ew, NO!" My mouth dropped open and I was completely disgusted.
"A lot of people have an attraction to their cousins. It's completely normal. I had a thing with my cousin, you know. It lasted a while. I would get really excited to see her when family reunions were scheduled. We would sneak off together and stuff. I even kissed her a couple times." He was talking about his female cousin on Omi's (his mom's) side of the family. His eyes gleamed in the strangest way while he told me this. I can still remember how excited he looked. It grosses me out so much to recall it... it even makes me nauseous. "It's okay Brittany, you can tell me how you really feel about him. It's normal."
"Dad! I do NOT have "a THING" for Gideon!" I remember my horror at the thought of my dad kissing his cousin and sneaking off with her. Has he told anyone before? Did their parents know? I thought. Why is he telling me this? Seeing the look in his eyes, I knew he was telling me for the pure enjoyment of my discomfort and shock.
"Well, I just wanted to tell you that it's perfectly natural if you do."
With that, he abruptly left my room while I sat there gaping in shock.
January 13, 2015
Random Memory #10: Complete Disturbance
As I stated in my previous post, some of these memories are so difficult to write about. They give me a knot in my stomach and a lump in my throat. But when my dad made a public outcry to thousands of people to help him find my sisters back in August, I made a decision to speak out about the abuse, discomfort, fear, and everything else that we endured. It wouldn't be fair to those involved in the situation, fair to my sisters (who have needed a voice for far too long), nor would it be right to keep all these things silent. I feel that withholding the truth would be an act of dishonesty in and of itself.
My dad often made me feel highly uncomfortable in ways that were hard to pinpoint exactly--ways that brought a creepy feeling of disgust. Sometimes he would look me up and down and comment about how he felt certain clothing items complemented my body. One time I got a new pair of jeans for school. When I got home he asked me to show him and Angie the pants, and when I did, he talked about the way my jeans hugged my hips and thighs. "Whoa, Brittany," He said, "I didn’t know you had hips. Those jeans really show them off. You shouldn’t wear those anywhere, they’ll make boys think bad thoughts."
He would look at my body in a way that made me feel like he was undressing me with his eyes and made me highly uncomfortable. I immediately felt that I couldn’t wear those jeans around him, because he would stare at my hips and butt. After that, Angie wouldn't allow me to wear those jeans again... She seemed upset at what he said, and I didn't understand why.
My dad constantly told me I was 'putting bad thoughts in boys' minds,' whether it was the kind of bra I wore to my choice of pants. (And I feel the need to add that I was one of the most modest-dressed girls at school. You can ask any of my high school friends.) It didn't seem to matter what I wore or what I did--I was putting naughty thoughts in men's mind. That had an absolutely disturbing effect on me and the way I perceived myself. To this day, I can't decide what is worse--feeling like my dad wanted to see through my clothes or feeling like I was constantly walking porn to other boys.
My dad often made me feel highly uncomfortable in ways that were hard to pinpoint exactly--ways that brought a creepy feeling of disgust. Sometimes he would look me up and down and comment about how he felt certain clothing items complemented my body. One time I got a new pair of jeans for school. When I got home he asked me to show him and Angie the pants, and when I did, he talked about the way my jeans hugged my hips and thighs. "Whoa, Brittany," He said, "I didn’t know you had hips. Those jeans really show them off. You shouldn’t wear those anywhere, they’ll make boys think bad thoughts."
He would look at my body in a way that made me feel like he was undressing me with his eyes and made me highly uncomfortable. I immediately felt that I couldn’t wear those jeans around him, because he would stare at my hips and butt. After that, Angie wouldn't allow me to wear those jeans again... She seemed upset at what he said, and I didn't understand why.
My dad constantly told me I was 'putting bad thoughts in boys' minds,' whether it was the kind of bra I wore to my choice of pants. (And I feel the need to add that I was one of the most modest-dressed girls at school. You can ask any of my high school friends.) It didn't seem to matter what I wore or what I did--I was putting naughty thoughts in men's mind. That had an absolutely disturbing effect on me and the way I perceived myself. To this day, I can't decide what is worse--feeling like my dad wanted to see through my clothes or feeling like I was constantly walking porn to other boys.
December 30, 2014
I Do Not Make Up Anything
Here is a screenshot of the photoshopped email that "Mel Bittner" posted in the early hours of the morning on December 30 to try to paint me as a liar.
From "Mel":
Here is the actual email between the three of us.
From my Gmail history:
From Lisa's Gmail history:
From "Mel":
Here is the actual email between the three of us.
From my Gmail history:
From Lisa's Gmail history:
December 20, 2014
Custody Evaluator's Report Part II
A continuation of the first custody evaluator post.
According to the report, the custody evaluator, Dr. Blakelock, spoke on the phone with Dr. Dettenmeier, who had evaluated my mom almost three years before in April 2007. She told him that Mom had "coached the children in her efforts to alienate them from their father." She further stated that "Michelle lacked positivity and was 'vehement' towards Brian." Blakelock wrote, "Michelle's parental interference escalated beyond her immediate family as she negatively influenced extended family, friends, counselors, neighbors, spiritual leaders, etc. by sharing with these individuals Brian's therapy progress notes, Dr. Roby's complete psychosexual assessment report . . . ."
Despite Dr. Dettenmeier's conclusion that my mom had coached us, my Mom still was granted primary custody of us at that time. She was our primary custodial parent from 2004 until 2011. It was this report by Blakelock that resulted in my dad getting custody.
Basically, Dr. Blakelock found my dad to be less abusive than my mom, despite her "coaching" stemming from her legitimate NEED to warn us to be careful around our dad who admits to multiple instances of sexual behavior toward children. Yet I had NO knowledge of any of these details until I found this report this week. All my mom ever wanted was for my dad to get the help he desperately needs for his severe problems, and to keep us protected from his impulses that have put children at risk.
So, my dad entered into sex offender treatment voluntarily, and did it for 18 months. Yet these three men "questioned the appropriateness of his treatment":
1. Dr. Ririe (psychosexual therapist who was hand-picked by special master Sandra Dredge to be Dad's therapist after she lied and said that Dr. Roby no longer wished to be my dad's therapist, which he refuted in an affidavit, btw);
2. Dr. Jay Jensen (who owns and runs ACAFS, the company who gets assigned by the special master to be the go-between between parties in acrimonious divorces, and who also conducted conjoint therapy for the Wolferts family);
3. Dr. Blakelock (custody evaluator).
Blakelock found my dad's 2005 abuse finding by DCFS to be inconsequential. My dad's multiple admissions of sexual behavior toward young children didn't seem to matter at all to Dr. Blakelock.
My sisters and I have been betrayed by the officials who were supposed to protect us.
A personal note to all those mothers out there who are fiercely defending my dad and seeking that my mom be prosecuted to "the full extent of the law" for protecting my sisters in hiding: if your children had been spending every other weekend with a father who had engaged in multiple instances of sexual behavior toward children in the past, and admitted to it well into his adulthood with children of his own at home, of course you would seek to get supervised visitation for him in order to protect your young daughters! Of course you would seek to warn them to be careful about not being alone with him, especially if the courts let your request for supervised visits drag on for over two years. Of course you would seek to protect them after the courts failed to listen to their accounts of abuse at his hands over the last FOUR YEARS of living with him primarily.
According to the report, the custody evaluator, Dr. Blakelock, spoke on the phone with Dr. Dettenmeier, who had evaluated my mom almost three years before in April 2007. She told him that Mom had "coached the children in her efforts to alienate them from their father." She further stated that "Michelle lacked positivity and was 'vehement' towards Brian." Blakelock wrote, "Michelle's parental interference escalated beyond her immediate family as she negatively influenced extended family, friends, counselors, neighbors, spiritual leaders, etc. by sharing with these individuals Brian's therapy progress notes, Dr. Roby's complete psychosexual assessment report . . . ."
Despite Dr. Dettenmeier's conclusion that my mom had coached us, my Mom still was granted primary custody of us at that time. She was our primary custodial parent from 2004 until 2011. It was this report by Blakelock that resulted in my dad getting custody.
Basically, Dr. Blakelock found my dad to be less abusive than my mom, despite her "coaching" stemming from her legitimate NEED to warn us to be careful around our dad who admits to multiple instances of sexual behavior toward children. Yet I had NO knowledge of any of these details until I found this report this week. All my mom ever wanted was for my dad to get the help he desperately needs for his severe problems, and to keep us protected from his impulses that have put children at risk.
So, my dad entered into sex offender treatment voluntarily, and did it for 18 months. Yet these three men "questioned the appropriateness of his treatment":
1. Dr. Ririe (psychosexual therapist who was hand-picked by special master Sandra Dredge to be Dad's therapist after she lied and said that Dr. Roby no longer wished to be my dad's therapist, which he refuted in an affidavit, btw);
2. Dr. Jay Jensen (who owns and runs ACAFS, the company who gets assigned by the special master to be the go-between between parties in acrimonious divorces, and who also conducted conjoint therapy for the Wolferts family);
3. Dr. Blakelock (custody evaluator).
Blakelock found my dad's 2005 abuse finding by DCFS to be inconsequential. My dad's multiple admissions of sexual behavior toward young children didn't seem to matter at all to Dr. Blakelock.
My sisters and I have been betrayed by the officials who were supposed to protect us.
A personal note to all those mothers out there who are fiercely defending my dad and seeking that my mom be prosecuted to "the full extent of the law" for protecting my sisters in hiding: if your children had been spending every other weekend with a father who had engaged in multiple instances of sexual behavior toward children in the past, and admitted to it well into his adulthood with children of his own at home, of course you would seek to get supervised visitation for him in order to protect your young daughters! Of course you would seek to warn them to be careful about not being alone with him, especially if the courts let your request for supervised visits drag on for over two years. Of course you would seek to protect them after the courts failed to listen to their accounts of abuse at his hands over the last FOUR YEARS of living with him primarily.
I do not believe that any mother who loved her children would not be protective of them under the said circumstances. My mom was being preventative and warned us to be careful of anyone tried to invade our safety zone and touch us. Despite all these things she knew my dad had done--again, things that I never knew until very recently--and despite the way my dad treated us, she always encouraged us to see the good in him. That is a fact. I am a witness to it, and I know Syd and Dani will testify of the same fact when they are back, because we all lived through it.
December 19, 2014
Custody Evaluator's Report
This is the document from my parents' divorce, that my dad apparently doesn't want you to see, even though it's the document that gave my dad custody of us. It's the document that shows WHY my mom was found to have "coached" us. I had not seen this document, nor had I heard of this document or the revelations about my dad, until this past week when I discovered it. Reading it makes me feel like I'm going to be sick.
The above screen shot from the report states: "Brian's infidelity and questions regarding any risk he might pose to his three daughters were major concerns of Michelle. These concerns led to a brief attempt at marriage counseling through LDS Social Services, individual and conjoint therapy with psychologist Dr. Sheffield from March 2004 through July 17, 2004, and extended individual and conjoint therapy with Dr. Hyde. Dr. Hyde, who was providing couples counseling referred Brian to Dr. C.Y. Roby for a phsychosexual assessment and eventually referral [sic] to Dr. Roby for treatment of his inappropriate sexual behavior. Brian entered into sex offender treatment with Dr. Roby and a therapist by the name of Cox. Dr. Ririe, Dr. Jensen, and this evaluator questioned the appropriateness of this treatment, which was designed to treat sex offenders though Brian voluntarily participated in this treatment for approximately 18 months." (emphasis added)
Dr. Blakelock also stated the following:
"In taking his second polygraph, Brian admits to a history of sexual contact with a child during his adolescence for which he was neither investigated nor charged with a crime."
"Brian also admits that at the age of 23 he exposed himself to two young girls as he exited a shower, and that 'years later' he masturbated to thoughts of the older girl (11 or 12 at the time of the incident) by placing her in the position of the younger girl (6 or 7 at the time of the incident)."
Despite all this, Dr. Blakelock favored my dad even though the ethical guidelines he quoted clearly indicate that he shouldn't have! Instead, Dr. Blakelock excused my father's behavior and justified his decision to send three innocent young girls to live in my father's house full-time, with unsupervised visits.
Blakelock stated his "opinion is that Brian poses little or no threat to sexually assault his daughters" because of:
a) the significant length of the time since Brian's sexual contact with a child;
b) Brian's demonstrated control over any deviant arousal he may have experienced;
c) the fact that other responsible adults have been informed of his sexual history; and
d) that his daughters are of such an age where they are fully capable of reporting any inappropriate sexual behaviors on the part of Brian should they occur.
Dr. Blakelock also stated the following:
"In taking his second polygraph, Brian admits to a history of sexual contact with a child during his adolescence for which he was neither investigated nor charged with a crime."
"Brian also admits that at the age of 23 he exposed himself to two young girls as he exited a shower, and that 'years later' he masturbated to thoughts of the older girl (11 or 12 at the time of the incident) by placing her in the position of the younger girl (6 or 7 at the time of the incident)."
Despite all this, Dr. Blakelock favored my dad even though the ethical guidelines he quoted clearly indicate that he shouldn't have! Instead, Dr. Blakelock excused my father's behavior and justified his decision to send three innocent young girls to live in my father's house full-time, with unsupervised visits.
Blakelock stated his "opinion is that Brian poses little or no threat to sexually assault his daughters" because of:
a) the significant length of the time since Brian's sexual contact with a child;
b) Brian's demonstrated control over any deviant arousal he may have experienced;
c) the fact that other responsible adults have been informed of his sexual history; and
d) that his daughters are of such an age where they are fully capable of reporting any inappropriate sexual behaviors on the part of Brian should they occur.
December 17, 2014
Random Memory #8: Naked Woman On Dad's Mission
My dad told this story to us countless times. It seemed to be a favorite story of his. Sydney, Dani and I always got the feeling when he told it that he was getting some kind of sick thrill in telling us inappropriate things and forcing us to picture related images in our minds.
Dad says this happened to him on his LDS mission, and he would tell it to us regularly since we were 10, 6 and 5 years old. My dad claimed that one day he was separated and alone from his missionary companion. (Everyone knows mission companions are supposed to be together always, and not ever be alone).
Dad told us that he went into his apartment, where there was a beautiful Brazilian woman waiting to get him alone. He would tell us how this woman undressed in front of him until she was completely naked, tempting him. He told us that the beautiful naked woman "jumped on top of him and attacked him" when he tried to escape. He liked to say it took him a "long time to fight her off" and that "it was really hard to do because she was so attractive," but that he eventually resisted and "got away."
My dad told us that he came home from his mission early 'honorably.' From a young girl's perspective, I was always confused as to why he kept telling us this story and why he was sent home early, if he didn't have sexual relations with the Brazilian lady he spoke of. I don't recall him ever telling us the story around Angie or my mom.
The obscene details of this story are hardly something a parent should describe to a child once, let alone repeat multiple times over the years to one’s very young daughters. I wish I could forget it.
Photo credit: www.ethanrwilkinson.com
Dad says this happened to him on his LDS mission, and he would tell it to us regularly since we were 10, 6 and 5 years old. My dad claimed that one day he was separated and alone from his missionary companion. (Everyone knows mission companions are supposed to be together always, and not ever be alone).
Dad told us that he went into his apartment, where there was a beautiful Brazilian woman waiting to get him alone. He would tell us how this woman undressed in front of him until she was completely naked, tempting him. He told us that the beautiful naked woman "jumped on top of him and attacked him" when he tried to escape. He liked to say it took him a "long time to fight her off" and that "it was really hard to do because she was so attractive," but that he eventually resisted and "got away."
My dad told us that he came home from his mission early 'honorably.' From a young girl's perspective, I was always confused as to why he kept telling us this story and why he was sent home early, if he didn't have sexual relations with the Brazilian lady he spoke of. I don't recall him ever telling us the story around Angie or my mom.
The obscene details of this story are hardly something a parent should describe to a child once, let alone repeat multiple times over the years to one’s very young daughters. I wish I could forget it.
Photo credit: www.ethanrwilkinson.com
December 6, 2014
Random Memory #7: My Bras
I tried to defend why I had to wear such bras, hating having to explain to him that they are necessary and normal for girls my age (at that time) to wear, not wanting to point out to him how mildly padded bra cups are necessary for newly developing breasts to not be very noticeable underneath t-shirts. The discussion moved to the kitchen table to become a lengthy lecture that included Angie. He told me he expected me to throw out all my padded bras and get thin ones like Angie’s. It disturbed me SO MUCH to watch him touching and inspecting one of my bras from the wash he had dug through the laundry to find.
Then he had Angie bring one of her unpadded bras to the table, and compared our two bras at length, which was mortifying and made me severely uncomfortable.
December 5, 2014
Random Memory #5: Temple Square
I'm still ill over this next memory of abhorrence.
During a Christmas holiday family outing to Temple Square during December of 2013 just before my Dad moved my sisters to Kansas, we traveled in a caravan of multiple cars to a couple of destinations. At two different points during the night, either Syd or Dani were with me in the back seat of our grandparents’ car just ahead of Dad's car. Whichever one of them wasn't in the car with me was riding in the car with Dad and Angie.
Months later, during their first visit to Utah from Kansas, one of them told me about this incident because it disturbed her so much. (The reason why it took months for them to disclose the incident to me was because all communication was monitored in Kansas to my mom and I. To read more about that, click here.) Immediately the other one said that it had also happened to her during the time that she had been alone in the car with Dad and Angie that night. I can't recall which sister reported it first, but I do remember they both had been disgusted by Dad suggesting what he did.
What happened was this: that holiday night, Dad pointed out to Syd while she was alone in his car with him and Angie that the grandparents' back car window up ahead was foggy. He said to her, "Why do you think the window is foggy? What do you think Brittany and Dani are doing to make it foggy like that?" Sydney was instantly scared by his suggestive tone. "Their heads seem close together... Are Brittany and Dani kissing each other??" Sydney was absolutely shocked at the mere thought that Dad conjured that image up. She was even more mortified at the fact that he was trying to put that image in her mind! Syd told me that Dad then laughed about what he'd said, as Sydney sat speechless in absolute and utter horror.
Apparently, when Dani was alone with him and Angie in their car as we traveled to another destination, he said the same thing to her. When he suggested the grandparents' steamy window was probably due to "Brittany and Syd kissing each other", Dani was just as stunned and freaked out as Sydney. To say they were 'uncomfortable' would be a terrible understatement. When the girls told me about this situation, they said they were both sick to their stomachs just recounting it.
The fact that he made reference to me passionately kissing each of my sisters out loud to them both suggests to me that he either enjoyed the lewd thought of an incestuous kiss between me and my sisters, or he enjoyed the disgust he was inciting with his lewd suggestions to them, or both. Either way, it is highly disturbing on so many levels that I can't even describe. Hearing my sisters describing what happened left me literally in shock, and it was obvious they had still not even been able to recover from the incident months later when they told me about it.
Photo credit: imgarcade.com
December 4, 2014
Random Memory #3: Child Pornography
One evening, when I was getting ready to go out with friends, my dad called me up to his room for a discussion. I assumed he wanted to ask me what we were going to do, but I was totally unprepared in every way for the conversation that was about to take place.
When I went upstairs to my dad, he started talking about child porn, which was totally random and out of the blue. He said, “A ring of people who made child pornography was busted, right here in Utah Valley.”
“Wow dad,” I said, “that’s crazy.”
“Yeah,” He responded, “And what’s crazy is that these people have made thousands of videos of doing things to children, and even just in regular homes like ours.”
I began to feel nervous. Knowing how my dad would tend to get stuck on subjects that made me feel uncomfortable or violated, I tried to change the subject as quickly as possible, but I knew he was set on talking about this as long as possible.
“Do you know what child pornography is, Brittany?”
I looked at him with disgust, knowing full well that he was going to prey on my purity in that moment. He looked back at me with a smirk in his eyes. I felt him watching me grow uneasy, as much as I tried to hide it.
“I feel like I know enough about it to understand that it’s bad,” I said, praying he’d spare me his description.
“You need to understand how it works.”
“I don’t need to know any more than I do,” I attempted to shut down the conversation once more. My stomach and chest were heavy with dread. He completely ignored my response, and continued:
“What happens is that adults will take children, as young as Abby’s age, and perform sexual acts with them…”
“Dad, I don’t want to hear this”—
“--The adults can be about Angie’s and my age. Can you even imagine someone my age doing that with Abby?”
I was filled with abhorrence and felt nauseous at the mere thought. Beyond the fact that he was ‘teaching’ me about child pornography, he was trying to put an image in my mind that he knew would make me squirm with distress. He was referring to my baby sister, Abby, being a subject of child porn. And the way he worded it, about the adults being his age… It put an image of him doing something like that with Abby into my mind, which repulsed me. I was tormented with a disturbing image that I didn’t conjure on my own.
“No, I can’t even imagine. Dad, that’s awful. Why do you think you need to tell me this? I don’t want you to tell me all this!” Inside, I was screaming. I wanted to leave the room, but I knew he wouldn’t let me.
“Sometimes, people will be hired to come in. But that’s not always the case--sometimes, it will even be a parent to their child.”
I felt the need to vomit.
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