January 13, 2015

Random Memory #10: Complete Disturbance

As I stated in my previous post, some of these memories are so difficult to write about. They give me a knot in my stomach and a lump in my throat. But when my dad made a public outcry to thousands of people to help him find my sisters back in August, I made a decision to speak out about the abuse, discomfort, fear, and everything else that we endured. It wouldn't be fair to those involved in the situation, fair to my sisters (who have needed a voice for far too long), nor would it be right to keep all these things silent. I feel that withholding the truth would be an act of dishonesty in and of itself. 

My dad often made me feel highly uncomfortable in ways that were hard to pinpoint exactly--ways that brought a creepy feeling of disgust. Sometimes he would look me up and down and comment about how he felt certain clothing items complemented my body. One time I got a new pair of jeans for school. When I got home he asked me to show him and Angie the pants, and when I did, he talked about the way my jeans hugged my hips and thighs. "Whoa, Brittany," He said, "I didn’t know you had hips. Those jeans really show them off. You shouldn’t wear those anywhere, they’ll make boys think bad thoughts." 

He would look at my body in a way that made me feel like he was undressing me with his eyes and made me highly uncomfortable. I immediately felt that I couldn’t wear those jeans around him, because he would stare at my hips and butt. After that, Angie wouldn't allow me to wear those jeans again... She seemed upset at what he said, and I didn't understand why.

My dad constantly told me I was 'putting bad thoughts in boys' minds,' whether it was the kind of bra I wore to my choice of pants. 
(And I feel the need to add that I was one of the most modest-dressed girls at school. You can ask any of my high school friends.) It didn't seem to matter what I wore or what I did--I was putting naughty thoughts in men's mind. That had an absolutely disturbing effect on me and the way I perceived myself. To this day, I can't decide what is worse--feeling like my dad wanted to see through my clothes or feeling like I was constantly walking porn to other boys.


  1. For those who say that Brian Wolferts is such a nice guy, and there are those who are having a difficult time believing that he would commit such heinous acts...If you are a believer in the scriptures, and most people who know Brian are well acquainted with them...in 2 Corinthians it says: And no wonder; for Satan himself is transformed into an angel of light. Brian portrays himself to be a good guy...he has done this his whole life...these girls, and even Angie, and some of Brian's siblings do know his true nature. Britt, Syd, and Dani are not making false claims. Brian Wolferts is a monster behind closed doors. He is a deceiver!

  2. I know how this feels. Hard to describe... but the way I see it is this...
    That was your intuition speaking. If you are wearing those jeans and you walk into a room where there are two men standing around, your intuition would likely clue you in if one of the men seemed to be thinking bad thoughts about you. It's an energy that is felt. They send off vibes, often unknowingly, to let you know they want you.
    Men who are as perverted as Brian, can't hold back their thoughts.
    A man who occasionally looks at porn will likely get caught because of behavioral changes. A man who looks at it frequently has a look of perversion ALL THE TIME. They look unhealthy, sick, eyes glazed over. Your gut says, "he isn't looking at me like I'm his daughter right now... something is weird." They send you sexual vibes. Like you are an option, sexually.

    A man who is an admitted pedifile like Brian, will likely be bursting at the seams with perverse thoughts and images playing through his mind. This experience of yours may mistakenly sound like an average teenage girl vs. father encounter to some people, but they are missing a MAJOR factor... most daughters say, "ugh! He won't let me wear this because it's too tight and he said boys may look at me inappropriately!" No. What Brittany is saying is, "I was wearing fitted jeans and my dad looked at me in a sexual way." Not as a father would look at his daughter... he looked at her like he WANTED her and she FELT that energy which repulsed her.

    That IS repulsive and I assume Angie was bothered by it because she knows what he meant by it. She KNOWS he is possibly sexually attracted to his kids. He is disgusting. I'm so sorry you had to feel this from someone who is supposed to be the one fighting off the creeps. Just know that it's likely the years and years of untreated perversion and lying. Nothing you did wrong.

    1. Hi. What a strong young woman you are.

      There is a sense of paralyzing fear a woman feels when she realizes that molestation and rape are possibly running through the mind of a man who is looking at her. I've felt this from a family member before. It's like suddenly the person disregards their relation to you for selfish reasons. Suddenly you feel like uncle joe isn't viewing you the same as he did 5 minutes ago. To live under constant fear that way can cause a high level of PTSD.

      People are naive who think a father cannot make a child feel dirty with a single look.
      A strict father gives a look of disapproval and the child know what it means.
      A violent father gives a look of anger and the child knows what it means.
      A rapist father gives his child a look of lust and the child knows what is going to happen.
      A pedifile father gives his three daughters looks of desire and lust and they are smart enough to run and get help. That's what I see here.

      I read the "other" blog from his blinded supporters which is filled with silly blog posts. One asked if the girls love their mom THAT much that they'd leave everything behind JUST to live with HER. The ignorance. The stupidity... baffles me. It's not about living with mom... they were SO repulsed and fearful of their pedifile father that YES. Running away seemed like the best option to two teenagers.
      Yes. Leaving everything behind means leaving the sexual preditor behind and they decided it was damn worth it. That says SO MUCH. YES! They left everything they love..because the abuse was THAT BAD. They were that fearful.

      A little memo to the dads creepy followers: Don't tell me any child in their shoes would stay in that situation just for their Young Womens group, classmates, etc. You'd want them to?? You'd want them to stick around that house and endure more abuse and possibly further sexual abuse?

      I also saw a comment about them leaving their sister behind. The littlest one. Were they supposed to take her?! No they left to get help for her.

      To any NORMAL person, your blog is understood. I pray you girls never have to look at his bald head again.

    2. I totally, 100% agree with the comment above and the reply. These girls haven't run away because they seek fun. Brian Wolferts' supporters keep commenting about the life the girls are missing out on while in hiding. They gloss right over the girls saying in their own video that they do not feel safe there. The girls themselves said they will run away if they are made to go back there. Why THAT isn't the discussion is beyond me.

      Brian knows the girls speaking up in court about his abuse is a threat to him, or else he wouldn't be avoiding facing them there. If he were innocent, he would stand up and proclaim it openly to any court in America. But he isn't innocent, and he is avoiding facing them for that reason. For six months he stood idly by watching people shredding his daughters on social media, calling them brainwashed liars--and he did nothing to dissuade anyone of that falsehood. For six months he has avoided offering them safety officially through the courts. That is because he cares more about getting away with his abuses than he cares about his own daughters being free and getting help. If they WERE lying, which they aren't, an innocent father would be offering them safe asylum anywhere to get the therapy they clearly need if they are willing to be this extreme to get away from a loving home. An innocent father being accused of all that he's been accused of would also INSIST on supervised visitation for his own protection and theirs going forward. But Brian Wolferts has not sought that at all. He seeks to get them FOUND and RETURNED to him before they can speak up in court. How much more obvious could he be as an abuser desperate to silence his victims, even if it means they have to remain hidden forever?

  3. I agree with Lisa. My husband said if our daughters claimed he did something he hadn't, and refused to live with him, he'd set up another safe home for them. Not demand they stay! Brian wants silent servants. The type of man who justifies polygamy, even when it isn't lawful, because it's how he'd prefer things. Lots of women waiting on him, serving him. He is sick!

    Also... YES!! The girls left that long list of good stuff behind because his abuse was intolerable. When your kid would rather give up everything they have and either die or live in a box... there's a problem.

    I think Brians followers appear uneducated in more ways than one. Most of them are irrational and seem to use a lot of run on sentences/rants on topics they aren't up to date on. Just a bunch of bored strangers out to do harm. That's why they intentionally overlook the obvious red flags. Brian attracts fellow abusers and he sits back like the Grinch, watching the circus.

    What's amazing is how strong the girls are. They are so used to this type of emotional abuse that it isn't totally shocking. They adapt and keep fighting.

  4. We are not required by God to associate with those who abuse us...forgiveness does not mean we must have a relationship with them, father or not...or the family members who have refused to see him as he really is, and who enable him to continue his cycle of abuse. These people are dangerous psychopaths...to be avoided...so that any abuse of any kind will not continue in this family. No amount of help in this life will cure Brian Wolferts, or his sister, or his mother...Grandma Wolferts...they are enablers. They do not accept responsibility for their actions. Grandpa Wolferts, has enabled his family to also abuse these girls, by not standing up. Passive and aggressive abuse in this famiy,

    1. AGREED. Family members who have experienced this abuse from Brian need to come forward. Any cousins, neices, nephews, siblings etc he has abused... need to come forward!!

  5. The "other side" is saying that they worry that these girls are not having a "normal" adolescence because they are in hiding. I don't believe that they were having a "normal adolescence" before they ran to hide. Being in hiding is far more preferable and safe than being with a father who does and says the emotional abuse kind of things that Brian Wolferts says. While they may not be free to move about, they are free of the emotional abuse that he dished out AND this is better for them.

  6. Brian's supporters should be compelled to read Britt's blog, so they can see what these girls have suffered at the hands of Brian. Their numbers would dwindle to only those deviates that are like himself. They need to stop speculating and see the truth. Brian is addicted to sex.

  7. Brittany, I just heard on the local Utah news that authorities have located your sisters in Pleasant Grove, and that your mother has been arrested. Having been in your mother's position of trying to protect her girls from their sexual deviant father, I really feel the injustice being served. I fear that your sisters are being forced to return to their abuser, and the real hero of this story is being sent to jail. I am heart-broken! My thoughts and prayers are with you. Please don't stop fighting!