Brian's Abuse In Summary

First off, today the page views hit 90,000. How incredible! In only four months, this blog has been able to spread my sister's true story across the country (and even internationally). I wouldn't be where I am today without each one of you who has come to read this collection of my family's experiences. Thank you.

As I discussed in my last post, here is a summary of all the abuse that I've put on this blog thus far. It's taken me a while to get it together and put it in order of occurrence, which isn't organized entirely accurately since the majority of my father's abuse was continual throughout the years. (For example, the abuse listed under "After Custody Change" were things he had been doing before the custody change, too). I felt that it was important to refresh these posts, since there are so many facts and stories that have been forgotten with time. 

The list is long, but very informative. I recommend heading to each link for a complete description of abuse if there are any questions, since these are just summarized bullet points. Also, don't forget--there's a Documents tab, a Timeline, an About section, a Q&A tab (you can always comment with valid questions), a link to the Roby Report, the Custody Report, and a tab for the Random Memories.

Pre-Custody Change

-A very detailed list of the different ways our dad has abused us (from when we were toddlers til present day).

-The facts that show my dad is the alienator, and that my mom never tried to isolate us from him as he did to her. This one is a deep read, but I feel that it's definitely a post to bring back from the past since my dad continues to try and convince people that my mom is who he actually is.

-Our dad would repeatedly tell us about a naked woman attacking him to have sex with him on his mission in Brazil. He started telling us this story when we were 10, 5, and 6 years old. Sydney, Dani and I always got the feeling when he told it that he was getting some kind of sick thrill in telling us inappropriate things and forcing us to picture related images in our minds.

-My dad would often tell my sisters and me detailed and very graphic stories of crimes against women. These stories would terrify us and although we would ask him to stop, he took pleasure in making us uncomfortable and frightened.

Custody Change (May 2010)

"I Had No Idea"

Here is an excerpt from a letter my grandma Judy wrote to my mom's lawyer dated Oct 2, 2004:

"Today, 17 days after her telling me that Brian served her with divorce papers & filling me in with so much that happened since they got married -- I am still reeling. I had NO idea. She told us nothing. I always felt she was protecting him -- but I thought it was just from "little stuff" -- nothing so devastating & humiliating as what he has put her through. I honor her courage, persistence, devotion, love, & loyalty & her clear clear vision & desire to help another human being. I haven't had a clue, however, all this time, as to the horrendous struggle that has been taking place. Not only was this an incredibly negative situation, she received no support from his family, as they apparently blamed it on "relationship problems" & were unwilling to deal with their son on a deeper level. Michelle, incredible as it still is to  me, was always supportive -- 100% -- & only said good things about him. That's why this has all been such a shock to all of us."

My mom didn't want to tell her family and closest friends that she was an abused woman--just like so many other victims of domestic violence do.

Dr. Phil 2

I was contacted by a producer of Dr. Phil around the end of November. Among the things they assured me in order to get me to agree to be on the show were the promises that I wouldn't have to confront my dad, that he wouldn't know what I was saying to them, and that Dr. Phil was an advocate for children and would let me speak. 

Although they said all those things, I was initially very skeptical. I didn't believe they would follow through with their promises and didn't see how the show would be a positive resource or outlet (and definitely not a final solution) for helping me help my sisters be safe from our dad's abuse. After years of the court system failing me and my sisters, my sisters running in July 2014, and all the ways my dad has attempted to keep me silenced in court since then, and all the ways my dad and his supporters have tried to scare me into backing down, I was almost to the point where I didn't think there was anything that could do to help my family's situation. I was losing hope.

Around this time, a lot of people told me they thought it would be a good thing to go on the show. I had family and friends who had seen highlights of shows where Dr. Phil stood up for the child, and the producers continued to tell me the same thing: that he was going to let me speak. I was very hopeful for that, because I felt that if my dad and I were able to civilly talk without him interrupting me like he had always done, maybe we could be a step closer to finding a compromise; a resolution.

I made a deal with the producers that I would go on the show only if I didn't

Dr. Phil

In the end of November, I was approached by an interested producer of Dr. Phil’s with the possibility to be on his show. I was led to believe that the show was on my side, ready to help me defend myself and my sisters from an abusive home life with our dad. During the process of being asked questions about the situation, I wondered if it was a good idea to trust Dr. Phil or not. I decided that I felt (and still feel) that shining as bright a light as possible on my sister’s situation is the best chance of them being protected and everything being resolved. Between our dad’s extreme emotional abuse and alienation, the court officials shredding our trust and failing us, and thousands of people jumping on my situation and making angry judgments… those girls have been through quite enough. I decided to go for it.

I assumed that Dr. Phil would be a good way to get even more people aware of our problems. After I realized that they weren’t going to help us unless I faced my dad on camera in person, I almost refused because I knew the imminent trauma of being in the physical presence of my abuser who I was (and am) still recovering from living with. But I weighed the possible good that Dr. Phil could do for my sisters, and I decided it would be worth the risk of facing my dad for the first time in over a year. I decided it would be worth the trauma. I told myself that I could handle it, prepare for it, and get through it.

But no amount of hopeful thinking could prepare me for the trauma I experienced being in his presence again and feeling his anger emanating toward me from

Where Is My Mom?

I've been getting a lot of questions and concern about the whereabouts of my mom, in addition to much speculation from supporters on both sides about whether or not I am worried about my mom who is also missing.

I hope that she is safe in a shelter where she and my sisters can remain free from abuse. As I have said before, I have never felt safer than when my sisters and I lived in a shelter with Mom. I want to believe my sisters have found a good shelter to live in until they can emerge once the courts have established official, permanent safety for them. I hope that they asked my mom to be with them to protect them until the court grants them official safety. I simply don't know where they are; I assume they kept me in the dark about their plans in order to protect me.

I hope and pray that the court hears our pleas and helps my sisters. I will keep trying to help them get heard. To do this, I need your help financially because it is expensive trying to get the courts to listen.

Why I Think My Sisters Are Safe

Over the years, when my sisters and I would get a moment of privacy (which was actually very rare, and difficult to do because my dad and Angie religiously kept us from having any time alone even at home), we often fantasized about escaping dad's house because of the abuse, control, and terror we were forced to endure daily. We all felt a strong need to be free of that environment. I had asked them if they would rather have me move out and seek help for them, or stay with our dad's consistent monitoring in a situation where I wouldn't be able to fight for their voices. They knew I could help them find safety if I left when I turned 18. They deserve to live a life free of Dad's abuse. This fact will always be true.

My sisters made no secret to me of wanting to tell the court what we have been forced to endure, and they also made no secret of talking about how they would feel the need to run away if the court didn't listen and sent them back to our dad after they told on him. They never divulged details or strategies with me, but I believe they would have looked into it and would have planned it intelligently. They are smart girls, and they are familiar with shelters because we had to live in shelters before with our mom when Dad's abuse was unbearable.

Imagine being in my sisters' shoes. They, like many of the people who are interested in this story, just couldn't imagine that a Juvenile Court judge would see our petition and our supporting document from Dr. Hyde and not protect them. Yet that is exactly what happened, and it really does feel surreal and unbelievable. I am working hard to get the court to reconsider the plight of my sisters and the danger the court has put them in.

Do I think my mom is hiding with them? I don't know. I certainly hope so. I hope that if she is with them and protecting them like I believe she is doing, that the courts are lenient and understanding of her necessary act of protecting her daughters from the abuse the court enabled. I also hope that upon reading or hearing the truth about my father, that the courts will find themselves less able to continue to side with our abuser and less able to inflict further injustice and abuse against his victims (including my mom). 

My mom has always been a constant source of loving kindness and support in our lives. She is a good mother and has been our one source of healthy parenting and our most immediate example of Christlike love and compassion. She does not abuse us, nor does she seek to besmirch our dad to us. She understands what pain life with dad involves, because she lived it, too. She listens to us when we vent our frustration and pain about our abuse, but she does not tell us what to feel or what to do. She did not turn us against our dad--his abuse did. She tried to help us navigate our dismay and our fear as well as she could, getting us therapy and teaching us to pray for help and to practice patience and protect ourselves as best we could. She has always sought to help us be happy despite the horrible custody decision the court made years ago. My mom isn't perfect, but these decisions she has repeatedly made to spare us as much pain as possible from my dad's abusive techniques made all the difference. 

Documents Page

FYI,

I have added a new documents page to the list of Pages found at the top of my blog, to help you become informed with actual supporting documents relating to the history of the court struggles with my dad. Please go through it. Reading the documents will help you to see why I am continuing to fight to protect all of my sisters. I will add more applicable documents as they get found.

Here are the links you will find today on my Documents Page:


Roby Report Complete April 2003

Dr Harnsberger Diagnosis Sydney Celiac 12 Sep 2007

Letter from Dr Hyde re Michelle 21 May 2007