October 15, 2015

Overcoming Abuse

Opening up about my road to overcoming my father's abuse is emotionally exhausting. There have been countless people trying to shut me down. These people have never met me and have no idea what me or my sisters have gone through, yet they try their hardest to silence any word of abuse and pain that we have endured. It is truly incredible and sickening all at once, because these cyber-bullies are adding to the self-degrading thoughts and self-worth struggles that my dad has previously instilled in my mind.

Some of these difficulties have subsided after careful treatment and healing, but others I continue to deal with and will most likely struggle with for the rest of my life. Part of his emotional abuse to us consisted of constant and incessant remarks, laced with anger and a desire for us to be miserable. My entire life (especially the years in his home) were full of comments such as:

-"You are a liar, you will always be a liar." (This was most often said when I would speak out about the way he had always treated us since we were little.)

-"You are not a trustworthy person. I will never be able to trust you."

-"One day you are going to get married, and you are going to think that you have a great marriage but you are going to screw it up and he will leave you."

-"You WILL be divorced someday, and you will be all alone--JUST LIKE YOUR MOTHER." 

-"You will be miserable for the rest of your life because of what you've done." (Referring to me "lying" about abuse and trying to speak out about it.)

-"You're following the adversary (Satan)!"

-"You will never be happy because of your horrible choices."

-"You will never be successful at ______." I leave this one blank, because it was always whatever I was passionate about in school. Art, piano, choir--whatever it was, he made sure that I felt I would never be successful at anything. He would talk to my sisters the same way.

These are only a few among numberless fears, difficulties and issues I have struggled with because of my dad's abuse:

-Struggling to believe that I deserve to be heard and speak on behalf of my experiences (and my sisters').

-Never feeling confident that I'm qualified for any kind of position or opportunity. I feel that I do not deserve it.

-Hesitancy to meet new people, open new doors, because I feel like I'm a failure and I will always disappoint people.

-Disbelief that people like me.

-Feeling that I'm being critically analyzed by people, because he had constantly critically analyzed me.

-Having random moments of thinking that I will never get anywhere in life, that life is pointless, that I'm stuck, etc.

-Thinking that I don't deserve things that make me happy. This is a huge one that I struggle with daily. I battle with guilt every time I experience any happiness.

-Feeling that I don't deserve success in life.

-Physical manifestations of his abuse, including: bed wetting as a senior in high school, intense nightmares, severe cystic acne, borderline eating disorder, severe headaches and backaches caused by stress, and more.

The journey to overcoming these points and many more will take a lifetime of healing and therapy.


  1. I am so sorry sweet girl that you and your sisters and mother are still going through after all these years.....I KNOW that what your dad tries to get you to believe about yourself are NOT TRUE. You mentioned that he would always put you down and say you wouldn't be successful at your piano, voice, and art.....I can testify that you are a wonderful pianist, a beautiful singer (You were in my church choir and a soloist for 3 years) and I have a painting on my wall of a beautiful horse that you made for me because you knew of my love for horses...You are one of the best people I know, as are your little sisters, and your mom is the one who taught you in your music talents.....She was always helping you girls learn and develop in the years you lived next to us. We support you and think it is such a shame that the court system and even Dr. Phil will not believe the children of abuse, but choose to go along with the man who has ruined all your lives as far as he can. I just look at the photo here of you and your great hubby, and you can see the love and happiness that you two share. I will keep praying for your family that things work out and somehow someone in the court system will take your part and help your mother and sisters to be free from this awful man who calls himself your father. He is just a man who wants power and control over women and it is shameful......

  2. Brittany, you probably don"t remember me, but I became friends with your mom and my daughter became friends with your sisters when we were all in a really difficult transition. I just want you to know that I haven't stopped praying for you, your sisters, and your mom. Even though I haven't seen you guys in years, I still love all of you very much.