As I discussed in my last post, here is a summary of all the abuse that I've put on this blog thus far. It's taken me a while to get it together and put it in order of occurrence, which isn't organized entirely accurately since the majority of my father's abuse was continual throughout the years. (For example, the abuse listed under "After Custody Change" were things he had been doing before the custody change, too). I felt that it was important to refresh these posts, since there are so many facts and stories that have been forgotten with time.
The list is long, but very informative. I recommend heading to each link for a complete description of abuse if there are any questions, since these are just summarized bullet points. Also, don't forget--there's a Documents tab, a Timeline, an About section, a Q&A tab (you can always comment with valid questions), a link to the Roby Report, the Custody Report, and a tab for the Random Memories.
-A very detailed list of the different ways our dad has abused us (from when we were toddlers til present day).
-The facts that show my dad is the alienator, and that my mom never tried to isolate us from him as he did to her. This one is a deep read, but I feel that it's definitely a post to bring back from the past since my dad continues to try and convince people that my mom is who he actually is.
-Our dad would repeatedly tell us about a naked woman attacking him to have sex with him on his mission in Brazil. He started telling us this story when we were 10, 5, and 6 years old. Sydney, Dani and I always got the feeling when he told it that he was getting some kind of sick thrill in telling us inappropriate things and forcing us to picture related images in our minds.
-My dad would often tell my sisters and me detailed and very graphic stories of crimes against women. These stories would terrify us and although we would ask him to stop, he took pleasure in making us uncomfortable and frightened.
Custody Change (May 2010)
-Part one discussing the Custody Evaluator's report states that our dad, Brian Wolferts, admits to having a history of sexual contact with a child. He also admits to having exposed himself to two young girls as he exited the shower when he was 23... you can read the rest. Part two discusses the differences between protecting and coaching, and why my mom was protective.
-The custody change to our dad severely disturbed our lives, because our mother had always been the parent that nourished us emotionally, spiritually, mentally and physically, and had allowed us to consistently heal from our father's abuses by constantly helping us see the positive in life. Moving to the custody of our abuser shattered the three of us.
After Custody Change (May 2010-December 2013)
-My dad used inappropriate "punishment methods" on Abby that included ripping her away into a room, locking the door so no one could go inside, and making her scream and cry with random, abrupt silences for long amounts of time. (The link discusses a particular occurrence on Oct. 21, 2012).
-When Abby was two, my dad traumatized her by repeatedly frightening and threatening her in ways such as throwing her Bear in the trash and telling her "you're never going to see her again!" because Abby had spilled her drink. My sister, Dani, has seen our dad slap Abby hard (there is much they have seen and experienced in the year after I moved from my dad's). Also, a comment that highlights exactly why my dad did more than "just throw away a teddy bear".
-Abby repeatedly acted traumatized and fearful in the presence of our dad, and would scream when he would pick her up and beg for other people to take her. One day he insisted on taking her to go to the bathroom in a restaurant, though she screamed hysterically and was reaching for Angie.
-My dad violated me immensely by having a traumatizing discussion with me about child pornography in a way that suggested Abby being the subject and he being the adult. In a later post, I posted a comment left by someone and described why what he did wasn't "simply illustrating to me how terrible pedophiles can be".
-My dad extensively compared my bras with Angie's, and told me I was supposed to wear the kinds of bras she did with no support (I was Sydney's and Dani's current age).
-My dad implied that I was physically/sexually attracted to a cousin and told me "it's okay, it's normal", because he used to "get excited" to see his girl cousin and they would run off and kiss at reunions. (I was disgusted beyond description).
-My dad abused and neglected Sydney physically by forcing her to eat gluten when she was diagnosed with Celiac Disease, telling her that her diagnosis was a lie my mom made up, the doctors were frauds, and much more that caused sweet Sydney harm. I did a follow up on the other ways Dad abused Sydney.
-My dad's obsessive control tactics in the home extended to the smallest movements, including: forbidding me from every hugging my sisters, not letting me do their hair for school, never allowing us to speak behind closed doors (and would get angry if we spoke out of his presence), forbidding me from ever going down to the level of the house where Sydney and Dani's bedrooms were, lecturing us individually and then isolating the sobbing sibling from the others, and much, much more.
-Our dad would monitor every move we made. This included: grilling us after short phone calls to our mom over the tone of our voices being "better" than when we talked with him, being angry at us for the fact that we loved our mom, telling us that having any kind of relationship with our mom was unhealthy and we needed to cut her off completely, reading through our phone records and comparing them online to see if we had called or texted her without him being informed, being paranoid about everything that was said to anyone (church leaders, friends, etc), monitoring Angie's cell phone (see bullet point about his control and abuse to Angie), keeping a secret complete copy of our journals, and so much more.
-My dad's inappropriate sexual conduct: being aroused by 6 year olds, touching Angie's crotch in front of us, telling us sexual details of his sex life at the dinner table, telling us what sex felt like, and forcing us to paint a mental picture even though we begged him to stop talking about it. Our dad would discuss Angie's breasts in lurid detail to us, too. These are topics I really hate to discuss, but the extreme discomfort my sisters and I experienced because of his actions and words should not be swept under the rug.
-My dad would look at me in ways that made me feel uncomfortable and comment on the way certain pants made my hips look good, etc. He would constantly tell me on a regular basis that because I was attractive, I was putting bad thoughts in boys' minds. It made me feel like a walking sexual magazine, and I always felt embarrassed and obsessive about the way I looked to others. This resulted in me almost having an eating disorder, when I was Sydney's current age.
Move to Kansas (December 2013-June 2014)
-My dad suggested on a family outing with Angie's family in December 2013 that my sisters and I were "passionately kissing" each other in the backseat of a car, because the windows were foggy from the cold weather. It made all three of us absolutely sick to our stomachs.
-My dad completely isolated Sydney and Danielle from their mother, older sister, extended family, friends, church community, and everyone else by moving them out of state in December of 2013. Even when his own family offered their homes for the girls to stay in Utah and finish the school year, he refused. In addition, he stole my mom's holiday visitation (they weren't able to say goodbye to family), and did not provide proper notice of his move through the courts.
-His isolation tactics worsened after the move. He limited call time with our mom for about 15 minutes per week (which had to be monitored by him), and fought to make Sydney's and Dani's visits back to Mom difficult, expensive, and short. They only visited twice in the course of 6 months.
The Run (July 2014-Present)
-Why I'm worried about Abby. Sydney, Dani and I have seen enough of the way our dad has treated Abby and seen enough situations where he has lied to know that he is capable of hurting our half-sister and would try to cover up about it.
-My dad has not been cleared in any way by the authorities.
-My mom is "conflict avoidant", and I feel Angie is too. Which is exactly the kind of spouse my dad needs in order to have his grip of complete control--so tight, that there is no way the person in his grasp can see how bad it is until they've broken free.
-Proof of Sydney's pain in writing, as this post has journal entries of hers attached to it. It's crazy to me that some people think I'm making these things up and that it never happened. My sisters may not be here in voice (yet), but they have expressed their pain that our dad caused through poems, journal entries, short stories, and more.
-A video that was made the weekend that Dr. Phil aired to give new viewers a summary of my dad's abuse.
-Dr. Phil part one basically lays out what I was too frozen to say when Dr. Phil asked me, "how did your dad abuse you?" It highlights my dad's abuse to all of us (including Abby and Angie) in a bullet point list format. Dr. Phil part two discusses parts of the show experience that were edited out.
-This post describes that my dad wants my sisters to stay in hiding so that he can continue to say they're "brainwashed" and also discusses the speculations that I haven't been following the "proper legal channels" in trying to get my sisters heard.
-My dad has used (and continues to use) isolation, triangulation, physical violence, anger, fear tactics, and punishment to control everyone in his house. My sisters are not teens who "just wanted to live with their mom", and my mom is not a parent who "just got jealous and wanted custody". This is a matter of actual abuse.