My dad (Brian Wolferts) discussed my stepmom's large breasts with all of us daughters. If this were to have happened just once, perhaps it could have been a very uncomfortable discussion that I could have tried to forget. But this happened multiple times, sometimes in front of Angie. These talks caused all three of us a huge amount of discomfort, agitation, and repulsion.
One time he went on and on about her breasts in detail that I would definitely deem as "lurid" for over twenty minutes at the dinner table. I remember him talking about how much he loved to grab them and how it made their sex much more enjoyable. He seemed excited by our obvious discomfort and our disgust at the intimately detailed discussion. I was 16, Sydney was 12, and Dani was only 11. After that specific discussion, I remember how all three of us discussed that we felt disgusted by the way dad kept pressing images of them being sexual, no matter how many times we asked him to stop. He seemed to thoroughly enjoy watching our discomfort, and we recognized the look in his eyes well during those times.
I know I've repeated this over and over, but I still feel this way: writing out these Random Memories is not something I look forward to. It's a disturbing process to re-live all these experiences, but it's necessary for those coming across this case to see the full story. If you haven't done so, please read the 11 previous Random Memories.
After being married to a pedophile, I understand EXACTLY what you mean when you talk about the "look in his eyes". It's impossible to explain to anyone else…unless they've seen it themselves or experienced something similar. Thank you for your courage.
ReplyDeleteThank you for commenting, Lonna. That is one of the things that gives me courage--is when I know others understand some of the same things my sisters and I experienced.
DeleteYou are so welcome, Brittany. You have unimaginable courage and every day I am strengthened just seeing yours.
DeleteUnfortunately, I know that look, too.
ReplyDeleteMy father had/has a porn addiction in which started to become evident when I was a teen. I have memories as a child of feeling uncomfortable about certain things he did and said... certain intuitions I had as a young child... knowing he was off.
The look is almost like... you're an option, too. Like they want to make you jealous or something.
I recently tried to discuss this with my mom and she shut me down. She was allegedly sexually abused as a child... yet refused to listen when her kids seemed uneasy about their own dad...
My mom is like Angie... an enabler.
That look you describe... I still see it when I look at my dad. I don't let him hold my child for long because I just feel uncertain about him.
Those feelings came unprovoked by anyone... I knew as a child my dad was mentally unstable and controlling. Severely emotionally abusive. Excessive spankings (10-20 hits leaving bruises all over our backs).
I wanted to tell you... one of my sisters PRAISES my dad now... she was so so so abused by him... and somehow she denies it, blocks it out and claims he was a gentle and loving dad.
I recall my dad beating her... I recall emotional abuse and control so severe she turned to drugs at 15.
I never imagined she would praise my dads name, yet every facebook post is about how she was raised right with incredible parents...
She's literally dilusional. I bite my tongue. My point is... someday one of the sisters (maybe Abby) may totally flip and deny the abuse. Abuse does crazy things to people who don't know any different. You just keep loving them and praying that they don't really accept that as love.
That particular sister has some serious mental issues now (I think) and I love her anyways.
I have distant cousins who had a pedophile dad who raped them all eventually... one sister denies it. The others have been trying to throw him in jail for 30 yrs. I know you'll love your sisters regardless, but don't be shocked if one does a 180 when they grow older and copes by blocking it out amd denying.
You're doing the right thing. Your dad won't lose that "look" ... even with heavy therapy. You'll have grandbabies and you'll catch the look in his eyes... and you'll want to run.
Dad's like Brian (and my dad) ALWAYS claim to be "oopsie maybe a little too strict... but I sure loved my kids and tried... they'll thank me later."
It's a defense for abuse.
I await the day you all live in sanctuaries, safe from emotional harm... music surrounding you, lots of art... singing... smiles... laughter as you girls gather together in the near future.
That was a long comment. Sorry... I just wanted to thank you for speaking up. I'll be purchasing your art.
No, don't apologize for sharing your story. Thank you for it. I'm so, so sorry for what you've had to go through. Isn't it so unfair how someone can choose to abuse their children or someone else, and because of their choices that child or person's life is ruined? It takes so much time and healing to even come close to being okay again. I also await the day we can all leave this behind us, and I pray that what happened to one of your sister's doesn't happen in my case. :( How sad.
DeleteThat's the best you can do. Just pray for them that they will accept it and focus on moving on.
DeleteYes... it spoils so much when they can't control their temper and choose to further abuse.
They'd have such different lives if they could just stop hurting people.
They are always the ones alone in the end. No one to control...
If anyone ever tells you how to be...ever again... you run!
I hope once you're married, you can fight your dad for full custody of your sisters.