I tried to defend why I had to wear such bras, hating having to explain to him that they are necessary and normal for girls my age (at that time) to wear, not wanting to point out to him how mildly padded bra cups are necessary for newly developing breasts to not be very noticeable underneath t-shirts. The discussion moved to the kitchen table to become a lengthy lecture that included Angie. He told me he expected me to throw out all my padded bras and get thin ones like Angie’s. It disturbed me SO MUCH to watch him touching and inspecting one of my bras from the wash he had dug through the laundry to find.
Then he had Angie bring one of her unpadded bras to the table, and compared our two bras at length, which was mortifying and made me severely uncomfortable.
I felt so disgusted and violated when I was forced to watch him grab the cups of my bras and Angie’s, too. I was even more traumatized when he made me touch and feel Angie’s bra to see what kind of bra material he wished me to start wearing. Why did he care about my bras? The look in his eyes as he touched my bra and hers made my skin crawl.
This can't be normal behavior for a father to engage in with his pubescent daughter. It did not feel right then and it still doesn't seem right as I think back on the incident. I feel like my undergarments should be my own business, and that my father should not be touching my bras at all. Furthermore, to compare my bras with Angie's is inexcusable and disturbing on many levels.
A major detail that needed to be involved in this: the 'padding' he was referring to was hardly anything at all. It wasn't a push-up bra or anything of the sort--I wore bras that HARDLY kept everything from being seen. So the fact that he was telling me I was making a horrible choice and putting bad thoughts in boys' minds because I was wearing a bra that kept my nipples from being shown was absolutely CRAZY to me. In addition, I feel the need to add that I only owned one bra with any kind of pattern or coloring on it; the rest were plain and/or white. Because my dad would go through my drawers (including underwear drawer) often, I felt uncomfortable buying any patterned bras in fear that he would also find a way to lecture me about that.
After this incident, I hid in the bathroom across from my bedroom and cried. I felt so violated... it was as if nothing was private. Since this took place within the first six months of living with my father, I was terrified at what would come of the rest of my teenage years. The physical and emotional discomfort and disgust I felt in that moment is too deep to express here. The next morning, I told my girl friends at school about what happened. It was so traumatizing that I was having a difficult time holding back tears as I told them. My friends validated the fact that we NEEDED to wear bras with at least a little padding, and that my dad's insistence on what kind of bras I had to wear so boys wouldn't 'think bad thoughts' was insane and extremely creepy.
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Jockey Micro Front Closure Bra
Absolutely inappropriate. He knew what he was saying... to tell a young girl she must wear bras similar to his new wife's bras... he wanted to see more of something. Your intuition told you that. How interesting that your spirit and intuition told you his intentions weren't pure in giving you bra advice. I hope you keep sharing your memories here so that people can see the level of discomfort that is felt in that home.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to. It's really difficult to recount the memories that I wish I couldn't remember. But not only do people deserve to know the truth--my sisters deserve to have their home life exposed for their own safety.
DeleteThe catch 22 many people don’t realize. I had an interesting conversation today with someone who has spent a lot of time in the courts. They said what people don’t understand is the courts quite often will side with the parent who they think will be more supportive of a relationship with both parents. It appears your mother wanted him to have supervised visits “after” she had spoke with Dr. Roby and he said your father (Brian Wolferts) had never completed the sex therapy and that the “CHILDREN COULD BE AT GREAT RISK” (due to Brian Wolferts inability to sexually differentiate between ages)- ( affidavit of Dr CY Roby 26 March 2008 – under the Documents tab). It appears from reading the “Verified Petition to Modify the Divorce Decree- 27 March 2008 (also under documents tab). That she was just trying to truly protect her children and didn’t realize what asking for this could cause. What is a mother supposed to do, especially when her children scream and cry about going with their father and knowing he is abusive and could be a risk to them. What a messed up system we have. Not being able to provide evidence because you can’t keep up with all your fees to professionals. There are good and bad people everywhere , including the courts, and you will find money can influence many things at the expense of innocent victims. It is all to common. Good luck, my prayers are with you.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. I was writing a response what I realized that your comment reminded me of the newest post: http://wolfertssisters.blogspot.com/2014/12/custody-evaluators-report_19.html
DeleteThe system is flawed, period.
Healthy men don't like to think about their daughters wearing bras because that means they are growing up. They certainly don't obsess over what kind they wear and discuss such intimate and inappropriate details with them. They leave this to the mother/mother figures. How did Angie respond? I wish she would speak up, stand up, something. With all your advocating she could keep him from taking Abby from her, which I'm sure is the threat he uses to keep her in compliance. A threat with some valid fear as he took you all from your mother. It's okay if your mom wasn't perfect. No parent is. But he is scarily evil and disturbed.
ReplyDeleteShe didn't say much. When he told her to go get her bra to compare, she did it without question. It got to a point where it didn't matter how uncomfortable, scared, or upset I was with something my dad said or did--she would side with him.
DeleteThat is just WRONG. :(
DeleteI agree with Anonymous writing about healthy men not wanting to be involved in the bra choices of their daughters. I especially agree with your suggestion that Angie could be receiving very real threats by Brian Wolferts which sounds exactly like what a person as controlling and abusive as we have seen him described here might do. How scary. I hope Angie gets her baby and stands up for truth and right immediately.
ReplyDeleteI hope she is strong enough to realize that she has control over her life. Ever since they were married, I watched her stress over the control he placed on her. It is her first marriage; all my dad had to repeatedly say was "this is how a marriage is supposed to be" and she'd believe him. The worse he got, the stronger she got, the longer and more painful his verbal attacks became. They would last hours, and leave her defeated and questioning herself. That was how he wanted it.
DeleteIt makes me seriously wonder what he is saying and/or doing to her now to keep her by his side.
I agree with Lisa's comment and the others above. My GOODNESS. If my dad touched one of our bras he'd be like, "Omg... so sorry!!" Angie needs to separate herself and she will see how she is being harmed. The fact that these young girls are saying "WE LOVE OUR STEP MOM... we don't want her hurt..." is so unusual that it makes a random reader like me say... wow... they were truly abused. Most kids would say, "to hell with you and your new wife." These girls are begging someone to help their step mom and little sister. Amazing.
ReplyDeleteI don't think she has had anyone separate her and show how she has been in an abusive relationship. Sydney kept saving her papers on 'signs of abuse in relationships' from her junior high health class, but she never gave them to Angie. I think if Angie is questioning if my dad is abusive, he continues to silence her with his manipulative tactics and making her feel unstable without him.
DeleteI really appreciate your comments on how my sisters and I feel about Angie. We do love her, and we don't want her hurt. We don't want her to end up trapped ten or twenty years down the road, having to waste her life gaining her strength back.