Update on GoFundMe Account

I find it's necessary to keep those who are donating in the loop of where my legal expenses stand, and exactly where every cent of your generous donations to my GoFundMe is going.

By the way... thank you SO much to everyone who has donated since my last thank you post a couple of months ago. You have given me a kind of support that I wouldn't have without you. You are keeping the court litigation open, and securing a chance at the girls being heard through the "proper channels." I feel that if Syd and Dani were here right now, they would thank each one of you.

Here is a full accounting of my Esplin Weight legal fees to date: 

"Conflict Avoidant"

In a statement by Dr. Hyde in 2007, he spoke of testing he did on my mom (Michelle). He wrote,

"[o]ne of these tests, the MMPI-2, showed that she was conflict avoidant. I have found Michelle to be this way. She avoids conflict and contention."

My father (Brian) has always needed to have those closest to him--spouses and kids--be submissive to his control and abuse. When they try to assert their own will, he crushes them. I think that my father needs to be married to someone submissive in order to maintain the severe control he initiates, and afterward get away with the pain of the abuse he inflicts. 

Angie is conflict avoidant as well. Whenever I saw my mom or Angie try to exert a bit of autonomy or try to protect his children from the pain he inflicted, it led to huge fights and my dad would always, always increase his dominance and threatening behaviors until whoever stood up to him finally backed down. He does not tolerate push-back. My father is an abuser who demands absolute submission. 

"I Had No Idea"

Here is an excerpt from a letter my grandma Judy wrote to my mom's lawyer dated Oct 2, 2004:

"Today, 17 days after her telling me that Brian served her with divorce papers & filling me in with so much that happened since they got married -- I am still reeling. I had NO idea. She told us nothing. I always felt she was protecting him -- but I thought it was just from "little stuff" -- nothing so devastating & humiliating as what he has put her through. I honor her courage, persistence, devotion, love, & loyalty & her clear clear vision & desire to help another human being. I haven't had a clue, however, all this time, as to the horrendous struggle that has been taking place. Not only was this an incredibly negative situation, she received no support from his family, as they apparently blamed it on "relationship problems" & were unwilling to deal with their son on a deeper level. Michelle, incredible as it still is to  me, was always supportive -- 100% -- & only said good things about him. That's why this has all been such a shock to all of us."

My mom didn't want to tell her family and closest friends that she was an abused woman--just like so many other victims of domestic violence do.

Blessings

I have been blessed in so many ways since going public with my family situation. I feel that it would be impossible to count all the ways I have been helped by generous and loving friends, family, and also people I've not met yet--people who have touched my life in ways I never anticipated since my sisters ran away in July.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart to all the people who have donated to my gofundme to help me in my ongoing legal battle to determine a safe custody arrangement for my sisters. An update will be posted soon. Your continued support is a vital part of my fight against the injustice of my sisters since the courts sent us to live with our abusive father.

Other costs have come up unexpectedly, the most recent cost being my mom's vehicle. Your immediate support of me when I placed my artwork for sale has enabled me to pay for removal of the boot that was placed on Mom's van (that was parked where she last lived in Orem before her disappearance).

On Pain and Suffering

The past eight months have been full of lessons and blessings and extreme hardships. One lesson I have become familiar with is that you cannot have joy in life without pain. There are always lows and highs.

I have learned to let pain shape me into a better person, which can only happen if one embraces it. It's not something you can ignore or run from. You must rely on faith to work through it. The beauty in this is that trials that test your faith can become priceless experiences.

A quote that I love:

Here, then, is a great truth. In the pain, the agony, and the heroic endeavors of life, we pass through a refiner’s fire, and the insignificant and the unimportant in our lives can melt away like dross and make our faith bright, intact, and strong. In this way the divine image can be mirrored from the soul...

Into every life there come the painful, despairing days of adversity and buffeting. There seems to be a full measure of anguish, sorrow, and often heartbreak for everyone, including those who earnestly seek to do right and be faithful. 

-James E. Faust, "The Refining Fire"

In every trial, there is a choice we must make. We can let the hardship consume us, or we can let it soften our hearts. If you choose the first, you will become bitter and hateful; if you choose the second, you will become more spiritually receptive and understanding. 

I've made my choice to continually strive to allow pain and hardship make me the better person. I refuse to be a victim of my dad's abuse--my sisters and I will be victors. 

Random Memory #12: Discussing Angie's Breasts

My dad (Brian Wolferts) discussed my stepmom's large breasts with all of us daughters. If this were to have happened just once, perhaps it could have been a very uncomfortable discussion that I could have tried to forget. But this happened multiple times, sometimes in front of Angie. These talks caused all three of us a huge amount of discomfort, agitation, and repulsion. 

One time he went on and on about her breasts in detail that I would definitely deem as "lurid" for over twenty minutes at the dinner table. I remember him talking about how much he loved to grab them and how it made their sex much more enjoyable. He seemed excited by our obvious discomfort and our disgust at the intimately detailed discussion. I was 16, Sydney was 12, and Dani was only 11. After that specific discussion, I remember how all three of us discussed that we felt disgusted by the way dad kept pressing images of them being sexual, no matter how many times we asked him to stop. He seemed to thoroughly enjoy watching our discomfort, and we recognized the look in his eyes well during those times.

I know I've repeated this over and over, but I still feel this way: writing out these Random Memories is not something I look forward to. It's a disturbing process to re-live all these experiences, but it's necessary for those coming across this case to see the full story. If you haven't done so, please read the 11 previous Random Memories.

Art Prints

I've decided to sell prints of my original art piece Red Storm printed on 12" x 8" matte stock paper to help support myself during this time. This print is only $25 plus $5 shipping and handling (within the continental United States. International shipping can be quoted separately via email). Orders can be placed via Paypal through my art blog here, or through the button below.

Please consider buying a print of my drawing. I'm selling them to help me pay for my mom's van that was booted last week. I'm trying to pay the $150 before they tow it (just one more thing that had to happen). I plan to continue to create art to sell during this time, and any additional funds I raise through sales will help me with personal expenses that are mounting as I focus on the legal work in trying to get my petition heard. I so want it to ensure my sisters a safe living arrangement established through official channels. In addition to personal expenses, I plan to channel what I make into the legal donations as well.

On more of a personal note: when I create art, I can't help but think of my sisters. Sydney and Dani are little artists. Ever since I can remember, when I'd start drawing, they'd be whipping out a paper and pencil at my side. Every time I won an award through school or the community while we lived at mom's, Syd and Dani were right next to me with their own ribbons and beaming faces. However many times we were prevented from pursuing art over the past four years after custody changed to our dad, we will always have our love for drawing and painting. I feel that it is time for me to utilize that love again.

As ever, your support means so much to me. I can't tell you how much I value all of your supportive comments, concern, and emotional and physical support. I pray that your kindness is returned in measurable ways.

Brittany

Thoughts

As of right now as I publish this post, my blog has reached 80,237 views.

In spite of all the negativity and anger that has been thrown at me and anyone who chooses to support the girls and I, I can see the good evolving from this. Eventually, none of the nasty remarks and speculations on our life will matter. 

The following outcome is a given: My spiritually and mentally mature sisters will continue to grow up and make their own choices regarding their own safety and what is best for them. They will make decisions regarding where Dad fits in their futures, and they will set their boundaries. As they should. No matter what gets speculated about our mom, the actual truth is she did not alienate us from our dad. He did. His abuse, inappropriate sexual behavior, controlling, unrighteous dominion, and behavior are what drove us away from him.

Sydney's Sufferings

There were many other effects Sydney suffered from my dad's abuse to her (besides his physical abuse of forcing her to eat gluten even though she's celiac). She would have awful nightmares on the nights my dad would lecture her. She had major issues with sleep and could never sleep longer than a few hours without waking up.

My dad singled her out in other ways as the "favorite child" and seemed set on making her be like him. He would always tell us that Sydney was the closest to him out of the three of us. It made Sydney sick. She didn't want that connection suggested.

There were times when Sydney would come to me (only when Dad or Angie wasn't around, of course) with the most pained expression on her face. "I just can't handle this anymore, Brittany," she'd say, and I knew that she was severely tormented by him. I recognized in her manner that she was thinking of taking her life, because she behaved and talked just like I did when I felt like taking my own life during the worst moments of Dad's abuse. It scared me like nothing else. I was so upset at my dad for hurting my sweet sisters.

Although I was the oldest and most targeted (probably because of the imminent threat of my moving out and being out of my dad's obsessive control once I was an adult), Syd became the new oldest of the children at home. She told me that he worsened his attacks on her after I left. It killed me to see that happen, because all three of us speculated that it would.

Not "Cleared"

My dad (Brian Wolferts) has been saying that he has been investigated for abuse and cleared by the authorities. This is not true. No court or agency has fully investigated or ruled on the allegations that are contained in the original petition I filed in June 2014. My dad has engaged in delay tactics repeatedly to prevent any court from hearing the abuse allegations that relate to the last four years, when he has had primary custody of Sydney and Dani (and myself, before I turned 18).

His aggressive legal tactics resulted in the dismissal of their Guardian ad Litem and the temporary restraining order that had been the only thing preventing them from having to return to my dad's custody. That is the reason they ran away. I have been working tirelessly with my legal team to secure a hearing in court where my dad needs to answer for his abuse. These are not "regurgitated" claims from years ago. They are not recently invented as some have falsely stated. They are current. They are real, and they are true. And because my dad knows that, he is trying as hard as he can to never have to face me or my sisters in court, all while telling everyone that he has been "cleared" by the authorities.

Sydney's Celiac Disease

For a while, I've felt the need to write a post dedicated to what my sister Sydney (now age 15) had to physically endure at the hands of my father, because what she has gone through is actual abuse.

Documented History

My dad physically abused my sister, Sydney, by forcing her to eat gluten despite her official celiac disease diagnosis. During her life, my sister Sydney experienced serious and painful problems whenever she ate gluten. My mom took her to around 80 doctor appointments over many years to try to find why she had so much pain. Finally, on February 28, 2006, Sydney was admitted to Primary Children’s Hospital and had a biopsy taken from the small intestine to conclusively confirm that she has celiac disease. Dad was informed of this on March 10, 2006.

Mom immediately completely changed Syd's diet and consistently ensured that she wasn't served any food that contained gluten. Because Dad refused to cooperate and, at times, insisted that Sydney eat gluten-containing food such as popular breads and doughnuts, Mom was forced to secure various notes (May 3, May 10, June 13, June 16, August 14 2006, and March 21 2007) and emails to Dad to inform and compel him to stop feeding Sydney gluten. My mom had to send him emails again from Dr. Harnsberger on November 15, 2006, confirming the celiac diagnosis and the importance of a gluten-free diet. Mom hoped it would lead him to stop undermining Sydney’s required diet.